I know I know I know

Do you know how many times I've thought about the fact that I haven't written anything in forever!?! But sometimes you have it and others you don't. I just haven't had it lately. Frankly, I've been doing good to just get through each day and feel ok about it. Ever been there? When there is nothing specific to look forward to, you aren't feeling real good, and your 2 year old is having a melt down simply because you dared to walk the other way, the last thing I feel like doing is getting on the computer (which Noah hates anyway) and typing. I've even had a depressingly funny moment such as going through really old clothes and trying them on when I thought "this! This would be something to blog about" but never did. Sorry, your loss (not really).
But hopefully as the rain came down today and washed everything away, I can begin anew. I can throw something out there that might actually spark a thought, cause a chuckle, or get a head nod from someone.

So here it is......why is the sky blue? No, just kidding. Why do I find that it is easier to pray for everyone around me and truly believe that God will answer my prayer, but I don't feel near as confident when it comes to prayers about my own life. Example: I can confidently pray (with faith bigger than a mustard seed) that so and so's cancer will suddenly go away. However, when it comes to a specific request I have of God to work in MY life, my faith withers.

I'll tell you what it is. I know too much. I let all the facts and figures get in the way. It's like I have to prep myself for not getting what I actually want. The probability of "x" and "y" happening is so slim that I better just plan for my prayer not to be answered how I'd like. Isn't that depressing? I don't always do this, but I'm in a class about expectant prayer and I realized this is a barrier for me. I think this is less about the fear of disappointment and more about what I really believe about God. It's actually a scary lesson. Rob Bell in one of his Nooma videos asks the question, "Do you truly believe, with everything in you, that God is entirely good and nothing else?" Have you asked yourself that question lately? If not, you should and share with me your answers and why you answer that way. I have no earthly reason to believe anything other than God is absolutely only good. But my prayer life might suggest something different.

Anyway, just something I've been thinking about and wrestling with. I don't want to be tossed about like the waves or the wind. I want to be secure in knowing that my Father wants the absolute best for me and desires me to ask Him REGARDLESS OF THE PROBABILITY.