I Am.........

copying this from my friend Cindy.

infatuated with my growing seedlings. All 144 of them to be exact. I can't wait to take some pictures and show you their progress.

fulfilled with how much time we spent at the library and park today. I LOVE the things this town has to offer young families.

excited about the two chance encounters I had at the park today with 2 new budding friendships.

anticipating some glorious vacation time with Brian in the coming months. One vacation with the whole fam, the other to celebrate 10 glorious years as man and wife....alone. :)

relieved Wesley slept almost the whole night through last night and did not run a fever all day today. Praise God.

missing friends and family from Texas. This reality sets in usually when we are out to eat. We used to go out with friends all the time. It just sucks to feel lonely....even if it only lasts an hour.

so proud of Noah. He continues to amaze me with his thoughts on God. God truly is his hero and if he could, he'd brag about Him all day long. Lord, please let that never go away.

smitten by Wesley. I cannot physically give enough kisses or snuggles to that kid. Same goes for Noah.

needing lots of scheduled play dates in April. I will be a single parent for a good part of the month. Please help! :)

looking forward to Bri's family coming in town for Easter. We'll have one big Easter egg hunt with all the kiddos (5 total), grub on ham, and show them around "our" town. Fun stuff.

Now you!

A Poignant Reminder

I'm not even sure how to write this post and how to capture all my emotions and thoughts in a concise way. But it's a must that I post. Bottom line, I haven't truly shared my faith in a real way in a loooooooooong time. It just so happens I guess that most everyone I hang out with is a Christian or up to date on the whole "faith thing" and so the proper conditions for a true 'this is what I believe and why I believe it' kind of session has not taken form.
However, in my past mission work, you could have heard me say that when I was truly sharing my faith, one on one, with another person, I felt the truest completeness of my existence. I've heard many others say the same. You suddenly realize this is what God created us for---to share His love and the story of His love in our lives-- with others. Nothing can take the place of that feeling. Nothing can replicate it.
So there have been moments when I've definitely thought about the fact that months and years have gone by in my life where I have not had an a-to-z rundown with someone on my faith, my story, my Jesus. I mean, the nitty gritty declaration where it is raw, and vulnerable, and scary. But at the same time exhilirating. And it's only raw and vulnerable and scary because you realize how important what your talking about is. You want God to be glorified and the listener to be receptive. But you also realize that we do not grow the seed. We merely plant it and God, the grandest Gardener of them all, does the rest. Well, I had one of those seed planting sessions last night. And while it was unexpected, it shouldn't have been because I prayed in advance of this outing that God would be there with me and it would go well. So I praise Him right now for answering my prayer in such a real way.
I think the part that leaves me so convicted and so awestruck is that once again, the idea that we can "earn" our salvation and "do" enough good deeds to get to Heaven is alive and well in our world. But the question I posed to this thinking was, "then why did Jesus need to die (and rise again)? What was the purpose of that if we can essentially get to heaven on our own?"--because the person I was talking with believed Jesus came and lived and died and rose. The question went unanswered because she admitted she had never really been asked that question or thought it through. But she wanted to give it some time to think it over.
The root of a works-based salvation can have one of two explanations. I would say pride is the first one--"grace just can't be a "free" gift! You have to be worthy. We must earn it."
The second is wanting to get to heaven without going through Jesus. Or maybe wanting someone else to get to heaven---knowing they are such a "good" person but knowing they don't "believe" all the right Christian things. Both of these are completely understandable lines of thinking and I probably possessed them at different moments in my life. But ultimately I now know they were never in God's plan. He created us, He knows us better than anyone---what we are not capable of, and what we need in order to be in relationship with Him. We need Jesus. I realize this everyday but of course there are many times when I think I'm doing mighty fine on my own. I think I'm pretty holy. Pretty "spiritual". Last night was a quick reminder that nothing holds a candle to Jesus. Nothing can even compare to what He sacrificed for me...FOR me. Explaining to someone else that I don't think we can earn our salvation simply reminded me how easy it is to let that subtle thinking in--even for Christians.
So I feel like I'm still going through a bit of an adrenaline rush and realizing divine moments were exchanged last night. Of course it made me realize there are so many things I don't "know" in order to "prove" Jesus, our Savior. It made me want to brush up on various historical details and other views out there. But before all that I'm so thankful God gave me His stamp on my heart. The transformation He did on my life that will never be taken away and ultimately is my example of His love and promises. I realize without a true relationship with Jesus, faith has to be so difficult. I'm not even sure I would be a Christian if I wasn't in a relationship with God because I'm not sure it could ever be real enough to me.

So anyway, there are my thoughts. I had to get this down on paper (virtual). Lord, don't let me forget how sharing You with others is a priceless function you created us for.

Menu Plan Monday 3-23

Happy Birthday Kimmy! My oldest sissy is 36 today!! Wowee, you are getting old girl. :) I remember when we were all in our 20's and oh how I looooooved that decade. And then when I finally turned 30 it was a shocking reality to us all (and especially my parents) that they no longer had children in their 20's. The 20's seem to last forever. And oddly, the 30's seem to move so quickly. Well, anyway, I love you Kimberlee very very much and hope you have the best day ever!

Now, on to the ever-so-important menu plan. hardy har har. I haven't done this in awhile and I guess I could say that for consistent blog posting. I've just had kind of a computer lull. Anyway, my boys will probably wake up any minute but I'm going to attempt a post anyway!

Meal #1 Lasagna, french baguette, spinach salad
Meal #2 Shredded beef burritos, beans
Meal #3 Tilapia, veggies, and potatoes/or rice
Meal #4 Pizza, salad
Meal #5 breakfast for dinner
Meal #6 Leftovers
Meal #7 Go out

We're all doing just fine in case you were wondering. Brian was sick all weekend with a category 5 cold. Noah woke up this morning and has been toying with catching it. We loooooved the last two nights of weather. Eating dinner on our screened in porch is like paradise to us. Oh! I planted 142 seeds! Yep, 142. So in the coming 2 weeks I will be preparing my garden/s in the backyard and attempting to transplant these seedlings. I cannot WAIT! I have been wanting my own garden for sooo long and my pesky ole dad won't teach me his tricks of the trade. Not to mention I have two little ones keeping me busy and so I had kind of hung up that dream till they were in school. But after my friend Kristina down the street inspired me, I realized it CAN be done! So I'll keep you posted on my progress. We have been ambushed by moles the last week or so and so our plan is to get "rid" of them before I have to plot out my garden. Dude, have you ever really looked at a picture of a mole anyway???? They are SO GROSS!! I went to buy some mole killer at the hardware store and the picture on the bottle about scared my pants off. Their claws are monstrous! I really hope if and when they die, they just disappear because I have no desire to see them with my own eyes. Ewe.

Alright, better get off my duff before the wailing ensues. Wesley never wakes up happy. Ever. More posting soon!

Things that make me smile...........

1. My sweet boys snuggling.









































2. My new dining room that I painted by myself this past weekend while Brian was away. I'm amazing.


P.S. actually, God was blessing me with very unusually loooooong nap times by the boys. That was crucial to the overall project. And the whole thing was to surprise Brian!




























3. Saving money...specifically saving more than I spent.













4. This video of my kids.

From March 2009

5. Dreaming of a vacation to a far away place where it's just me and Brian and the sun.

Confessions of a Thinkaholic

I just returned from a whirlwind trip to TX to see my parents. My amazing husband let me go despite the fact that it required a decent amount of money as well as him taking a day off of work to stay home with Noah. Thank you honey! He never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, we were on Texas soil for a total of 2 days and 18 hours. I was in the car for 5.5 of those hours which was fine, but it definitely made the trip feel even shorter. Wesley did amazing and brought joy to everyone he saw. He's at that awesome age where he is still free (on an airplane) and kind of clueless when it comes to seeing 5 different families in such a short amount of time. I loved having some time with my parents and just taking a break from parenting 2 children. It's no secret that Noah has been trying lately so it was perfect that he got to have special time with Daddy.
One thing that might have made the trip even more pleasant is if my dog gone frontal lobe could just STOP processing thoughts for a time. Do you ever feel like you are thinking while everyone else is enjoying the simple things happening in each moment? As my post is titled, I believe I'm a thinkaholic. The obvious problem with that is there is no group to go to or 3 step program to kick the addiction. And how does one even become this way anyway??? I would love your thoughts. :) ha ha No seriously, though, I wish I could tell you I come up with the most splendid inventions or ideas, organizational plans, money making schemes, ministry brilliance, or new philanthropic approaches to my life. My thinking probably grazes all those topics but never with any significant result. No, mostly I think about theories, pointless daydreams, philosophical nonsense, problem-solving (with things that aren't my problems) and hypothetical happenings. Oh, and I play old conversations through my head and try to analyze what the other people were thinking when they said those words; what their motives were, and give them an overall character evaluation. I'm a mess---truly. So you can only imagine with a mind like mine what happens when I'm sitting on a plane for 2 hours and Wesley is asleep in my arms and I have no hands to read a magazine or grab my Ipod. All I can do is look around or stare at my tray table and think. Or I'm driving to Tyler, TX in a van with my parents and no music (seriously, who on earth drives long car drives with no music?????). Or I'm driving from Tyler, TX to where I used to live looking at all the establishments that are not mine to frequent anymore or passing business or homes that contain people I can't visit anymore or say hello to. Or I'm staring at the brut of a gate attendant on AirTran Airways that tells me I can't bring my infant's car seat on the plane unless I paid for his seat. WHATEVER. Okay, so that last example really doesn't apply to what I was saying but I did want to wack her over the head with my backpack. :)
I just wish my thinking was more productive. Instead it usually leaves me foggy and discontent. I might enjoy the little moments and little things if my mind would just take a break! Well, my eldest son needs to be read to before bed, so I'm gonna go do that. But I'm sure after that I'll spend some quality time thinking about my trip to TX---how I felt about it, what it lacked, the people I saw, the people I didn't get to see, how it compares to IN, etc, etc. Oh, and I've already thought about all those things, just so you know. But a thinkaholic never stops. Repetition is no match for this brain. In fact, it thrives on it. So if you have an idea for how to channel all this thinking in some ultra-productive way, drop me a line. And I'll think about it.