Nostalgia

So I had the very unlikely occurance of meeting up with TWO friends from my past this week/weekend. Each friend is from a totally different part of my life and one of which I haven't seen for 9 years. One knew me since the 6th grade in CA, the other I met in 10th grade when my family up and moved to New Mexico (grrrr, hiss hiss). The only real thing they share in common is that neither friend knew me when my faith was really real.

The CA friend has been my faithful friend for a long time. She's seen the good and bad in me. I tried to explain the drastic change I went through about 8 years ago to her, and I can remember seeing the look on her face and she clearly didn't understand. I was now a real Christian. She could tell my life was different---that I didn't drink anymore and party, but she didn't really understand/believe the whole Jesus thing. To this day she would say she doesn't know if there is really a heaven or hell. Wow. This is hard for me to understand and somewhere I doubt that I've shared with her all that I could.

My other friend, who now lives in Houston, she and I share way too many memories in the "party" category. She has since gotten married and has 2 beautiful children. She tells me that she's a good girl now and goes to a Mormon church. With only 30 minutes to chit chat in the mall today (after not seeing each other for 9 years), I know she has no idea what my relationship with Jesus is all about and how he truly did change my life (and continues to). I feel as if it was too easy to act like we are two peas in a pod.... wild and now tamed. But it's so much more than that isn't it?

I remember praying not to long ago that God would reunite me with some of my old friends so that I could really share with them about how Jesus has changed my life. I have a friend who is awesome about reconnecting with even her friends from junior high and that made me so envious of her. I realized what an opportunity it was. So here I am...smack dab in the middle of the "opportunity" and somehow I feel like I failed. Somehow it's too easy to just relate on the mom level and not dig in to other important stuff. I know there is a time and a place for certain things, but maybe something should have been said that wasn't.

I'm totally thrilled to be back in touch with my friend and truly grateful that her life has had wonderful outcomes. We both could have been headed to doom many a time. She actually informed me of a few of our close friends back from high school that indeed did that---drugged out, unhealthy, unmarried with kids, partying like it was 1999, etc. It is completely by the grace of God that these words do not define me. And it is by the grace of God they don't define you either. No good will of mine can make me into the person I want to be. Not without God. He's the one who intended me to be someone that glorifies Him. For how long did I fail at doing that? And still do, mind you.

I need help and encouragement when it comes to sharing Jesus with people. I can do it overseas any day---but doing it here, in my neighborhood with everyday people just like me, tends to be a little more difficult. Can I opt out by saying it isn't my gift? Naaa, not really. But I'm admitting that it is a struggle and I never want to appear like I have it all together and am doing everything right. Man, my husband could testify that would be a crock of bull. :) Okay, time to go to bed. I hope you can relate on some level with this and feel free to share your thoughts.