Just Do It!

Before I begin telling you about my day, let me set the record straight. Personally, I do not consider myself a naturally motivated/ing person. If you tell me you are struggling with this or that as a mom, I'll chime in with you. If you feel lazy, I'll hop in your boat. If you need some help lessening the pressures on yourself, I'll talk you into it. Social media has probably helped out with the 'bandwagon of mom-frustration' quite a bit and I'll admit it has its advantages. I'm all for being authentic and truly try to be honest about the ups and downs of my life. However, there needs to be another side to all this and it needs to be equally strong.

This morning I woke up early and went to workout. As I was driving to my class, I realized I'd already done the hardest part: getting up and getting in the car. Even though I was tired, and I wasn't really looking forward to working out, I knew the choice part was over. Where else would I drive except to my class at 5:40am? Yes, I could give 80% instead of 100 but I was still going to get a workout in.

When I arrived home, all 3 children were up and I had about 20 things to do in the next 45 minutes to get them out the door (not Macy of course). Before anyone said anything I was already feeling sorry for myself that so much is demanded of me the moment my feet hit the floor. The breakfast, the lunch sacks, the questions about homework and forms, the "where is my sweatshirt", etc. And let's not forget the constant whining from Macy about what show she wants, what food she wants, what food she doesn't want, what show she doesn't want, etc. The bottom line when it comes to this was I didn't want to be a mom today. That sounds so terrible when I type it (not as terrible in my head). I couldn't think my way out of it. I simply wanted to walk out the door, drive to work, and sit down (sit down!!!) at a desk and punch the keyboard all day. What a luxury. Of course, I know what that's like. I did it for many many years. And honestly that isn't what I really want. But I didn't want to care for 3 other people that desperately needed me and I didn't want to care for my home that was lacking in the cleanliness department. 

For 30 minutes after the boys went to school, I had a war with myself over how this day would go. There was the reality of what needs to happen, and there was the reality that I didn't feel like doing any of it. But the other reality was I couldn't accept not doing it. The idea of a "day off" or a "recoup day" wasn't even appealing because I knew this was more than just needing a break. This was settling my mind and heart about my responsibilities in this life. I sat down and opened a devotional dated for today. It instructed me to read Psalm 95: 1-7. I read it. I read it aloud. I sang the song (the oldie but goody). I felt like God was telling me to do it again, and again, and again. So I did. And I could honestly feel myself fighting in my head the choice to let go. I wanted to hang onto this frustration and annoyance. I didn't want to lay it down and focus on who God is and how amazing He is. But with time, I did. And God took it a step further. When His Word said, 

"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord, 
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

2 

Let us come before him with thanksgiving

    and extol him with music and song"

I felt Him saying, "do it. Sing to Me." Again, I thought about fighting it. But I thought, maybe singing would actually turn this around, as silly as it sounds. So Macy and I ended up sitting down and spending 15 minutes or so singing children's devotional songs. Even Macy didn't want to at first, but I pushed on. At the end, she was in a better mood and I was beginning to feel better too. If nothing else, I was glad I obeyed. 

As this is getting to be lengthy, I will not detail out the rest of my day. But I will say that for the rest of today, I did two things that I normally cannot do in the same day: get a lot of genuinely good cleaning done and spend quality creative lovely time with Macy. I could feel God directing me with what to do next, how to speak to Macy, and simply putting one foot in front of the other. By the time 1:30 rolled around, I was amazed that nothing had been neglected and Macy wasn't melting down. 

When I tried to think through how today actually happened I thought, "Every time I felt a push to not do something, I mentally pushed back harder". Devotionals, cleaning, parenting, exercise, attitude adjustment, whatever it may be, it's a choice! It sounds kind of simplistically stupid, but it really boils down to a choice to move forward or stand still. I wanted to write this post as a reminder to myself how much God loves me and wants me to succeed at the obligations He's given me. I also wanted to encourage other moms with this since sometimes it can be hard to find something other than mom-pity blogs. The jobs we have as mothers are not small or insignificant or easy. There will always be days when we need to take a step back and reassess things. But as we move forward, let's do just that , move forward and not dance with laziness, discontent, or selfish motives. And when in doubt, just sing!! :)

Don't hate me but......

I'm going to go a week without napping. I know this sounds so shallow and pointless but actually, I'm on a relatively meaningful quest. With the exception of maybe my husband, no one really knows my napping tendencies, so here they are:

-for the last three years, I've napped almost every week day ranging from 20 min to 70 min.
-I do this when my other child(ren) are resting.

That's it. Earth shattering. But I know for some, they find this envious or annoying or awesome. My purpose for wanting to take a break from the napping is in order to DIAGNOSE the napping. Here are some normal reasons for taking a nap:

-physically tired
-ate a heavy meal
-depressed
-Macy (or other child's name) drains me
-sick
-procrastinating doing other necessary things

These are all things other moms would suggest in trying to make you feel better and not guilty about napping. The fact of the matter is, I don't always want to nap. I don't always need to nap, and I'm darned near young enough that I shouldn't be doing it every week day! What I've started to conclude lately as I ponder this whole napping thing is this: I think I actually want my brain to shut up. I'm not tired, I'm not depressed, I'm not full, I'm not sick, I'm not procrastinating, I simply want quiet. Not just the absence of physical noise but for my brain to actually shut off. The only way to do this, is to go in a semi-conscious state. :)

So, in order to test my theory, I am--hold on to your seat cushion-- NOT going to nap this week. So as I sip on an afternoon cup of coffee which I am not accustomed to doing, I thought I would write about my challenge in order to make it more real and not give up. Seeing as how I haven't written a blog post in 15 months, I figured this was more worthy than a random picture of me and the kiddos at the park. :)

I Am

Yes, it's been a few months since I've posted. So why not start out with a traditional "I Am" post to catch everyone up.

-I am up early this morning. Macy has periodically decided to get up at 6:30. She's tired, cranky, but apparently just wants some quiet time with me. All my kids did this but Macy has been my one to sleep in everyday till 7:30 or later. I hope it doesn't become regular for her to get up this early.

-I am nervous and excited to be leaving in a week for CA. We have not been back in 15 months. We are spending many days in Malibu which is unusual and will be a lot of fun. I hope I can get some alone time to walk/jog along the track like I do any time I'm there. Macy will have her first introduction to the beach. Correction: the real beach. She has spent many a day here at Lake Monroe on a manmade beach. But the ocean beach will be quite different.

-I am a work in progress. The last 6 months or so have been a struggle. I trust God knew this was going to happen before he put me on this earth and he will see me through till I am exactly as He wants me to be. Until then, I look forward to peace, freedom, and lasting joy.

-I am loving my kids home for the summer. No camps. No trips yet. Just us. They have swim lessons for one hour a day but other than that, we've been able to play it low key and just enjoy our yard and eachother.

-I am always finding myself dreaming about being on vacation with just Brian. Or reliving our newlywed apartment days. You figure out the obvious meaning of that. ;)

-I am excited to see the rest of my garden develop. I pulled my first cucumber yesterday. The tomatoes will probably be ready while we are in CA....bummer. a zucchini have the same likely fate. My lettuce is done. Must plant earlier next year! And my bells and jalapenos will be ready later on. Brian spotted a good place for a pumpkin patch this year and so I can't wait to see if everything takes off like we hope.

-I am currently teaching the 2 year olds at church. I've been doing it since January and it has been the biggest surprise blessing. I felt God moving me to volunteer but had no idea what age. So I kind of left it up to the staff needs. I got to pick between the K/1 spot or 2's. I thought the 2's would be a little mellower and awaited what I got myself into. It has been awesome!! My class has anywhere from 10 to 14 kids in it each Sunday at the 9:30 service. There is second class next door and we get together for story and song time. God has given me such a great surprise. These kiddos are incredibly precious. They shower me with love every Sunday and getting to know them and their parents has been so much fun. I've seen some of them go from super timid and shy to walking in confidently with a smile. Seeing the relief on their parents faces is priceless.

-I am needed for typical chocolate milk and breakfast duties at the moment. :) Must go!

Today

Today was one of those days that makes you feel kinda like a supermom but totally wiped out and incapable of repeating such a day again. Nothing crazy happened but there were just enough events to make me feel like a whirling dervish and that is not a feeling I recommend. Some observations about today:

-an unexpected cozy nap with birds chirping and the windows open is awesome. awesome. I prefer the dark quiet naps, but today was lovely.

-Noah had a friend come home from school with him. Kids think riding a different bus is HUGE.

-boys may be as much drama as girls. "He was like, and then I was like, and then he went like this, and then I went like this, and like OH, awesome". This is about what every conversation sounds like with Noah. And he's ALWAYS. referring. to. sports. He gives me the play by play of every game of soccer, basketball and football at recess every single day.

-It's a stage, but Wesley is much nicer to Noah than Noah is to Wesley. I find this super annoying and frustrating although obviously a big brother is more interesting than a little brother. Noah's tone, attitude, and facial expressions can be very rude and it hurts my heart knowing how in love with Wesley Noah was as a baby.

-Cleaning out clothes that are too small, packaging them up, and dropping them on a friends porch is gratifying on multiple levels. 

-Noah is really lucky to have such a great teacher and such a great school.

-Wesley is a swell kid. Easy going, loves to have fun, gets along with anyone, and loves his sister fiercely.

-Macy loves the sun, the grass, her swing, bubbles, the trampoline, dirt, and pretzels.

-Our trampoline was the best purchase Brian and I have made in our married life.

-As a parent who worked, I get it. But I still really wish that all parents would keep their feverish kids away from school for the 24 hours that policy states.

-I successfully grilled juicy chicken tonight! Brian does all the grilling but he's been coaching me, so it paid off tonight! :)

Brian did a fantastic job on these helmets

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Yummy treats will soon fill this counter!

As much as we would love to share the Super Bowl with friends, we are determined to still have fun as a fam!

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Football cutouts the boys decorated

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The cookie field and trophy Bri made...

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We might be stuck inside due to illness, but Dad always makes sure it's a good time!

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Macy

I have been searching my blog archives lately hunting for posts when I wrote about Wesley at approx 13 months of age. In an attempt to understand Macy, compare her, be encouraged, I do this. But in the "doing" I realize I rarely write about her! Sadly, I didn't post a single picture of her 1st birthday, her 1st real Christmas....I mean, what kind of mom am I? Well, obviously one that doesn't find these things at the top of her to do list. Not sure that will change, but I definitely will make a good effort.

So here is Macy on her birthday, December 23rd, 2011. It's amazing that a mere 5 weeks later, her hair has grown a lot and she just looks older. I will post pictures soon that were taken this week. Anyway, where do I begin? I will just bullet some of her qualities and developments.

-She started taking steps on about Monday, December 19th. Ken and Lindy had just been here but of course she waited till they left to show off. The full blown walking didn't start till Monday and Tuesday of this last week. Now she pretty much walks everywhere with an occasional crawl.

-We gave her a small individual Elmo cake on her actual birthday but her big party with family, a big cake, lots of excitement (wink wink) was in TX the day after Christmas. I'm trying to find those pictures and hope to post them soon.

-About the time we got back from TX which was the first week of January, we started to see some major modifications to Macy's behavior. I blogged about it then. It has only grown in intensity. :) She is FULL of personality. This is no poker faced mild child. She has extreme highs and lows and leaves her dad and I shaking our head most of the day. All my friends in TX will be happy to know I think we finally have our child that makes messes, gets into everything, throws and knocks over anything she can get her hands on. Phew. I'm wiped. Who knew it would be our GIRL that would be such a disaster??? :)

-BUT, she's absolutely irresistable. God sure plays the irony here because no matter how much of a royal stinker she is, we seem to hug her tighter, laugh harder, and relish her more. She adores her brothers, they adore her, but her favorite (sigh) is Mama. Brian says she is pleased as punch when I'm not around but as soon as I walk in the door, it's crying and whining and pulling on me. I know you other mamas out there understand how it goes.

-Macy's eating: hmf! Total stumper. The girl has no pattern. Every day is different. It's a control thing more than anything. She eats more for her daddy than me. Yes, she's picky. Yes, she throws food on the floor everyday going on 3 months. But because every day is different, it gives me hope. She will eat something new and give up an old favorite. It requires more thinking and more preparing but I'm not sure what else to do. I long for the day where suddenly, she realizes we're all eating the food on our plate, not throwing it, and she decides to follow suit. Aww, that will be a great day. Last night we had a glimpse, actually. We had chicken tacos and I made her a plate with black beans, chicken, cheese, yogurt and a tortilla. She tried everything and ate lots of chicken, a few beans, and a lot of cheese (which is her favorite). She was well behaved and we actually had dinner without putting on a show for her and trying to get her to quit screaming and nagging. It was lovely. Her consistent likes: cheese, graham crackers, chicken, gold fish. Her consistent dislikes: any kind of diced fruit, any kind of diced veggie. She's sooo healthy. :/

-Macy loves songs and loves to sing. She's the first that I can recall of our children to sing a lot.....in her crib, as she crawls, in the car. She just starts singing when there is no music on. It is very sweet and I hope that means she might end up with a voice. If she is crying while I change her, I just start singing Itsy Bitsy, If You are Happy and You know it, Deep and Wide, or honestly any song and she will stop crying and just listen. Praise the Lord!

-Oh I did mean to touch on the fact that Macy DID have an ear infection 4 days after I wrote that post regarding her less than desirable behavior. Nice.

-She went to the Dr today and she weighs 21lb 12oz now at 13 months. She looks so itty bitty to me though. 

Okay, off to nap while the other kids nap. The past two nights my lil angel has awoke at least 4 times. Oy! So mama must sleep. More later!