Uncertainty

So lately I've been feeling a dull numbing feeling --that comes and goes. Tonight as I was out walking, I finally pinpointed what it was. Uncertainty. There are times in my life (and I'm sure you all feel this way) where everything makes sense to you. You are going about life exactly how you want to, you feel sure about mainly everything, and you feel secure in where you are and where you are going.
To complement that feeling, there are times when things are quite the opposite. Now is one of those times. And it's so odd because it kind of just happens out of nowhere, don't you think? I mean, sure, it can be caused by some particular event. But many times we just find ourselves in the middle of this odd void, wondering how we got there. Here are a few areas in which I have uncertainty:
--Where to live (our house sold in 1 day and we have yet to find a home. We put an offer down but it looks like they are rejecting it).
--My professional future (no elaboration necessary)
--Events going on in my family that are heavy on my heart and seem far from resolution
--The future of our church in relation to our lead pastor/teacher search
--My own personal faith development

By the way, I sit here writing this while listening to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. If you haven't heard it---you need to. It only proves my theory further that life without music would be virtually void of emotion. Just try to watch a common street scene (or better yet, an airport lobby) with no music. Then put on your headphones and suddenly everyone becomes a little softer, and you find emotion in little things where you saw nothing before.
Anyway, my point in mentioning this music was that it helps me write. It helps me get out all those weird feelings you have and actually put them into words. Not to mention it makes me think even more critically (which I don't need) and analyze everything under the sun. Ugh, I digress. :)

Okay, back to the oh so pleasant feeling of uncertainty. There is hope, however in this. Our creative Father above knew that if we could find certainty on our own accord we would not need Him or care to examine Him further. So while I feel this yucky feeling right now, I also feel an abundant peace about knowing that He is holding me close and knows what is around the corner, even when I don't. I truly don't know where my head would be if I didn't have this assurance.

Did Jesus know that I would be this much of a mess? Did he know that I would be selfish and discontent? Did he know I would be judgemental and ashamed all at the same time? Did he know that we could all be so fickle at times with our faith? Yes, he did. But he still chose to sacrifice everything for us so that we could have the assurance IN HIM when there was nothing else. I suppose it's kind of like being a parent. Of course you know your child is going to screw up on down the road somewhere. But that's not what you are focused on today! You are focused on loving them every bit you can and shaping and molding them into the person God wants them to be. But unlike God, we parents fail---over and over again. What an awesome thing to know that we have a Father that NEVER FAILS. He never makes a mistake. He never loses his temper, he never doubts us, we never surprise him, he never gives us bad advice...ever. The world has nothing to offer that can even come close to that. So why is it so easy to lose sight of that?

Well, I ask again for your prayers. For all the above mentioned but mostly that Brian and I both will come to know our Father God in a more intimate way than ever before through this uncertainty. I know there will be a time, probably soon, where I will be back in the land of security. But I don't want that to change how I depend on God. He's a friend unlike any other.