Been there?

We just finished dinner as a family. I mentioned, "I think I'm going to take a bath so I can read a magazine." Noah says, "YOU want to take a BATH?" I said, "I know, I never want to. But I think it might be the only time I can read a magazine quietly." Brian said,"You can read one tonight" insinuating that he will be glued to the Bears game and so obviously I'll have all the time to read a magazine. But I never want to sit there and read a magazine while in the same room with him. I also don't feel like being up in my bedroom when he's downstairs watching TV and the kids are asleep. So, as stated before, I believe the only way I can effectively read a magazine, is to do it while sitting in hot scented water....possibly even sipping on a margarita.....while everyone is awake and doing their own thing without me.

This whole scenario is simply a recurrence of the same desire, different year. I remember so clearly when Noah was about oh, 10 months (all the way up to 20 months) and I would bring a blanket out to our front yard in Flowermound and arrange a bunch of toys on it. I would then set up a chair for myself and then plop Noah down on the blanket. This was all in the name of possibly getting a shred of sun on my skin and you guessed it, reading my magazine. I would no sooner turn over one page and Noah would throw a toy off of the blanket onto the grass and then whine for it. He wasn't big on the tickly feeling of the grass and so crawling on it wouldn't have crossed his mind. So I'd put down my magazine and then stand up to walk over and get the toy. I'd sink back down into the camp chair, open up my magazine and then start over . As you have experienced many times yourself (I'm just going out on a limb here!) the neediness of a child on a blanket is suprisingly constant. Oh sure, I had a couple friends who's babies would lay there comatose for an hour while their mommy could do whatever she pleased. That miracle of a habit never made it to the Spicer household.

Now today, 4.5 years later, it isn't picking up thrown toys. It's answering the constant tidal waves of questions from both of my children. As soon as my answer seems to sink in and the water settles, another even larger/more intense/more pointless/more critical question follows. Today we had a moment of silence at church that lasted, oh I don't know, maybe 2 minutes. I sat there thinking how funny it is that humans (or maybe Americans) have to be instructed to remain silent for it to ever occur. The silence I heard for those 2 minutes was glorious---but completely involuntary if you will. We had to be told to WAIT for the prayer to begin---knowing full well that people (myself included) simply can't stand to be quiet and would never on their own accord decide to sit in silence for 2 minutes. But friends, that is what I CRAVE. That is what makes reading a magazine (Real Simple, if you must know) so fulfilling. The ability for me to sit and look at pictures and read meaningful words and reflect without ever once being interrupted. I save magazines for quiet times when Brian is away, and pedicures. That's pretty much it. And sometimes (read: almost always) I'm too tired when Brian is away to focus and so I put it off. I'm not a pick-up-a-magazine-11 times-before-it-is-finished kind of gal. I like to read them all in one fail swoop or at most, split it in half between two nice reads.

So instead of reading a magazine right this moment, I'm typing about my desire to read a magazine. See how screwed up we are? Ha! It is time folks. I'm heading to get this funny little pillow that will possibly make taking a bath a tiny bit more desirable just so I can sit in my bathroom alone and read my magazine. I know, you are thinking that sounds kind of nice. You are thinking you might just go try this on for size. Well, go, be free, and enjoy your magazine. Let me know how it worked out for you. I'll surely do the same!