Check Engine Light

That is my engine light. Could be I'm out of gas, could be my air filter is blocked and I need some refreshing, could be my battery is going dead, could be..................but whatever it is, my engine is coming closer to a stand still.

I can't even begin to write what might possibly have caused this "phase" or refer to past phases like it. I have no energy to do that. All I have energy to do is express that I'm wiped out. I feel like a doormat. I feel like I have gone gone gone for almost 2 weeks and now there is little go left in me. I can't even speak coherent responses to my children because my brain is fried. "Uh huh" is about all I can muster. I feel lazy (which is highly impossible), tired, and just blaaaaaaaaaa. I don't feel like "doing" anything. I don't feel like taking care of responsibilities or filling roles. I feel like shutting my eyes and waking up a week or two from now with a new engine and a full tank of gas.

Amidst this phase, regardless how I have felt noted above, I have not been lazy. I have done anything that a normal mom, housewife, wife, friend, and sister would have done. Made phone calls, mailed presents, cleaned out closets, organized things, fed children, cooked, laundry etc. There were occasional glimmers of feeling accomplished but a majority of the time during this phase I have felt like I was simply going through the motions. Grey would be the color to describe my psyche. Each day seems to fly by and seems to repeat itself in a similar manner. I hope it is because my husband has been gone for 7 out of the past 9 days. I say that with full respect for him and his job. It is in no way a knock. He suffers just as much as me when he travels. Anyway, I was saying I hope that is why this phase has set in. I hope with his return tonight, that things will look brighter tomorrow.

I long for the energetic, bright hearted, engine I'm used to....that others are used to. I'm tired of Satan making me feel insecure about everything....that has never been my nature. So feel free to pray for this phase to end soon. Feel free to pray that when I do sleep, it would be good sleep instead of restless sleep. I'm completely aware that this is a phase and will end and that is why I keep referring to it as such. So don't worry, this Eeyore won't be around forever. :)