Grey

I'm having one of those days/periods where you feel like if a camera was on you, it would be permanent proof that you are a pathetic mess, a mom on the edge. My home is fairly clean, fridge stocked, 4 out of 5 people healthy, sunny outside and a world of possibilities at my doorstep. Yet, I feel like an exhausted, frazzled, out of sorts, disorganized, half empty human. Okay, maybe that is a bit over dramatic. :) But if you are a mom, you completely get it. The baby is sick and draining every last drop of everything out of me. She is cranky, clingy, picky and completely unpredictable. Macy is usually very happy go lucky so this makes for a difficult time for all. She won't eat anything (she will nurse) and man, that sure makes a big difference when you are atleast used to sitting down for 10 minutes of peace while she eats a jar of babyfood or nibbles on various baby snacks. But no. She shakes her head and starts crying, spitting, etc at the proposal of any solids. Now, she has snuck in some spoonfuls here and there, but not enough to appease me.  

Yes, it could be worse. OF COURSE it could be worse. But isn't that a stupid saying sometimes!? It is completely true and yet sounds so trite and does nothing for the present set of circumstances. I suppose it is said in order to change our state of mind, outlook, etc. And I will eventually get around to embracing those words at some point today. But now, at 1:32pm, I am going to squint my tired stiff eyes and continue typing until I have finished this post and then maybe head to bed for a quick nap.

My husband is taking off to far off places pretty soon which makes this all seem harder since I won't have his extra set of hands for awhile. I feel like I long for family nearby more than ever and yet there is simply no way to make it happen. I promise I'm not this whimpy all the time. ;) I can be a machine and whip through this stuff with nary a complaint at times. But what can I say? This isn't one of those times. I'm a very imperfect human being.

We just got back from a walk around the neighborhood and I stared at the back of Wesley running/scootering thinking "how cute is he? My sweet baby boy. Getting so big, so handsome and so sweet". I'm thankful. I'm blessed. I have all that I need and more. But today, bleh. Being a mom is hard.....