30 days

There are 30 days roughly till we go to TX for Christmas. A couple different things happened tonight in preparation for that event.

1) I did Day 1 of Jillian's 30 day shred. (my hands and legs are still shaking as I type. Oy!)
2) I just gave Macy her first taste of cows milk in a bottle. YAHOO!!!

So I suggested to Bri that we go low carb for 30 days to lose some much needed weight before we go to TX and see family, eat In-N-Out, eat Del Taco, see friends, eat In-N-Out, see more friends, eat more, etc. Today was our first day to do so and it went pretty well. We are letting ourselves eat carbs for breakfast because it is too difficult and time consuming and boring to eat all protein at the chaotic breakfast hour. But lunches and dinners will be meat and veggies based. My friend Jessie recommended Jillian's 30 day shred upon hearing of our plan. She is 8 months prego and clearly wouldn't be using the DVD so she let me borrow it. I just finished day one about an hour ago and it was good. I can tell that when I get to level 3 I will try to find some reason to not exercise for the measly 20 min it requires. So I employed Brian to yell at me if necessary to make me do it. Come on. It's twenty minutes, folks.

I have been feeling just a little bit timid about Macy turning 1 in 27 days and she still nurses VERY often and only has a bottle if we need a babysitter to give her one. Ouch. This is the opposite extreme of where we were with the boys at this stage in their life. So I decided tonight to give her a few ounces of cows milk in a bottle when I put her to bed (because I had already nursed her shortly before). She did not hesitate to gulp the entire thing down and cried when I told her it was all gone. SUCCESS! This opened a whole new world to me in a matter of seconds as I visualized someone other than myself putting her to bed with little more effort than pouring some milk in a bottle (no finding frozen breastmilk, defrosting it, trying not to spill it, etc). So I feel a bit victorious this evening for the 2 reasons stated up above. Now I just hope she doesn't wake up with side splitting pain tonight as if the cows milk bothers her---that would suck.

I know, I know. There is just so much excitement going around in the Spicer household you must be jealous. We lead a very dynamic life. :) Just want to document it all!

Lots o' family time

I love this pic for many reasons. A) it shows Noah in a rare moment where he accepts the love and snuggles his baby brother gives B) it is a copy cat of a pic I posted on the blog maybe 2 yrs ago and this is the first time it has happened since and C) it shows no matter how home bound we have been lately due to illness, there is still lots of love going around. :)
Macy has been sick....again, Noah has had croup (after a 2 yr hiatus), and I have been driven to crazy town.....multiple times. There is just something abt a baby crying for you that zaps you to the very core. Macy has been sooooo needy and Bri got a huge dose of it this weekend. Whew! I would say we've been in survival mode. HOWEVER, there have been lots of sweet moments scattered about. Lots of game playing, coloring, movie watching, tickling, and just plain lounging. Praise God for a home we can spread out in, an extra bedroom for the sick kid, rainy days that make it more acceptable to stay in, and an eating out budget when mama does NOT feel like cooking. :) More later folks.....pray for us as kids heal physically and mama heals mentally...

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Macy Claps!

I was SO excited tonight when Macy clapped for the first time! She has loved songs that have clapping, but she hasn't ever done it herself. She has just started to wave a tiny bit the last 2 weeks, but this was sooo cute! Enjoy.

Poor lil sick girl

Here is lil miss getting her breathing treatment before bed.

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Grey

I'm having one of those days/periods where you feel like if a camera was on you, it would be permanent proof that you are a pathetic mess, a mom on the edge. My home is fairly clean, fridge stocked, 4 out of 5 people healthy, sunny outside and a world of possibilities at my doorstep. Yet, I feel like an exhausted, frazzled, out of sorts, disorganized, half empty human. Okay, maybe that is a bit over dramatic. :) But if you are a mom, you completely get it. The baby is sick and draining every last drop of everything out of me. She is cranky, clingy, picky and completely unpredictable. Macy is usually very happy go lucky so this makes for a difficult time for all. She won't eat anything (she will nurse) and man, that sure makes a big difference when you are atleast used to sitting down for 10 minutes of peace while she eats a jar of babyfood or nibbles on various baby snacks. But no. She shakes her head and starts crying, spitting, etc at the proposal of any solids. Now, she has snuck in some spoonfuls here and there, but not enough to appease me.  

Yes, it could be worse. OF COURSE it could be worse. But isn't that a stupid saying sometimes!? It is completely true and yet sounds so trite and does nothing for the present set of circumstances. I suppose it is said in order to change our state of mind, outlook, etc. And I will eventually get around to embracing those words at some point today. But now, at 1:32pm, I am going to squint my tired stiff eyes and continue typing until I have finished this post and then maybe head to bed for a quick nap.

My husband is taking off to far off places pretty soon which makes this all seem harder since I won't have his extra set of hands for awhile. I feel like I long for family nearby more than ever and yet there is simply no way to make it happen. I promise I'm not this whimpy all the time. ;) I can be a machine and whip through this stuff with nary a complaint at times. But what can I say? This isn't one of those times. I'm a very imperfect human being.

We just got back from a walk around the neighborhood and I stared at the back of Wesley running/scootering thinking "how cute is he? My sweet baby boy. Getting so big, so handsome and so sweet". I'm thankful. I'm blessed. I have all that I need and more. But today, bleh. Being a mom is hard.....

My Halloween cuties!

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Macy at 9 months

I'm not going to spend time on the fact that I've been ridiculous about blogging...nope, not gonna talk about it.

This post is to talk about Macy-girl. Because that is what we call her. Macy-girl. She is 9 months old. We haven't even videoed her crawling yet so it hit me that I better start writing. So here is the run down on our 9 month old:

--She still has no teeth. But JUST LIKE HER BROTHER, NOAH, it seems she is about to get her two front teeth as her first teeth. :) So funny, so cute, slightly odd.

--She started crawling backwards several weeks ago. Then about 10 days ago she started occasionally going forward. As of 6 days ago, she is officially crawling.....everywhere.....QUICKLY.
She is so happy to be able to move toward whatever she wants and grab it, climb it, hold it, bite it, etc. She is pulling up on anything she can and standing with much confidence. She got her first head bump/bruise tonight and I am reluctant to say that this is the beginning of many.

--Macy is a happy girl. She loves to laugh and cackle. She is happy in her crib, happy in her car seat, really happy outside. People always make the comment "Does she EVER stop smiling?" Obviously this is a huge blessing. She is her brothers biggest fan. They keep her entertained quite a bit.

--Books are becoming one of her favorite things. It makes me laugh out loud when I tell her we are "All done" in a cheery voice and wave my hands in the sign and she starts puckering up that lip and crying. I know. Maybe that is mean that I laugh, but she is so freakin' cute!

--Food. Hmm. Not sure how to summarize. She doesn't really looooove food. Maybe she isn't my child? :) She isn't picky. She eats pretty much anything I give her. But she is not excited about eating. Whether I stopped feeding her after 2 bites or 20, I don't think she would care. Should be interesting how this plays out over time.

--Sleeping. Ahhhhh, I suppose I need to touch on this for documentation purposes. I would categorize her as an "average" sleeper. She takes 2 naps a day....doesn't fight it. They aren't typically long....sometimes I get lucky. She still isn't sleeping thru the night (play the violin music) and I basically never know when she's gonna wake up or how many times. I only feed her once a night and it is getting later and later....usually the 4 o'clock hour. I know this phase won't last but truthfully I didn't expect her to be this way. Our others were sleeping thru the night by now, so I'm a bit of a rookie in this area.

--Bottom line, we are in love with this precious princess. She is super snuggly, loves to hug tightly, and we're working on kisses. :)

Not always peachy

Today comes to a close after no husband, a kid with pink eye, a somewhat fussy baby, rain outside, and no friends around due to a contagious boy and Spring Break. I pause and wonder if I should continue typing since Macy is screaming her bloody neck off. Hmmmm....will go check on her. Ok, I think I got her down. She has the classic Spicer baby genes with regard to screaming herself to sleep at night. Occasionally she'll go down easy, not enough to fool us into thinking she is "different" from her brothers. :/

The last couple weeks, I've had the reoccurring thought that having 3 kids is hard. This may seem like a silly and somewhat obvious statement. However, I have this innate quality that always wants to seem relaxed and in control. I don't get into drama and I always think there is something worse that could be my reality so I shouldn't believe that this moment is hard, terrible, etc. I suppose I have a problem with feeling like it is ok to complain in a serious nature. And then I remember some words that were either from Biggest Loser or my therapist (ha ha ha) that feelings are just feelings; they are not right or wrong. So I can feel like life is hard right now and I don't need to judge it against someone else's life or defend it. I can feel what I feel, and accept that. I suppose it boils down to pride why I hate appearing frazzled. I can feel frazzled, I just don't want to show that. :) make sense?

Anyway, today was a day where I longed for help. I wanted a sister's house to run to, a mom's reassuring smile, an aunt's arms to hold my baby, a friend to make me laugh....you get the idea. Was my day TERRIBLE? No. I've had many worse days actually. But it wasn't fun. It was lonely, and I felt a little stuck. I felt bad for my boys. I am sure they didn't think much of it which is good, but I was ready for one of them to say at any moment, "this day is boring and sad, Mom". I even tried to have a moment where we talked about Japan and what happened there, being thankful, drawing pictures, praying, etc.....I'm glad we did it, but it didn't help how I felt. We cleaned out the playroom and packaged up 3 trash bags of toys and books to give away. Again, I'm glad we did it, it made me feel like I made something of this day, but it still didn't redeem the day.

Now I'm talking to my dad on the phone. Talked to my mother in law earlier. Texted with Brian. Once again, trying to feel not so lonely. :) Talking to my mom always makes me feel better. And it's not because she has advice or even reassures me. It's just hearing her pretty voice and feeling a lighter side to the concern that I feel. Tonight she and my dad were cracking me up because they shed some light on why I have kind of a no nonsense approach to dealing with sick/hurt kids. I guess my oldest sister was a drama queen and constantly was "hurt" so they were pretty desensitized by the time I rolled around. I told them I don't remember hardly ever receiving much pity from them and now I know why. That mirrors the fact that Macy screaming her neck off doesn't get to me NEAR as much as it did with Noah. God gave me 3 screamers---I can't do much about it. Just wait for it to pass I guess.....:)

Alright, not sure where this post is going. Simply wanting to type about today. 3 kids has it's challenges for sure. I'm not cut out to be a single parent. I wish Bri didn't travel, I wish we lived closer to family, I wish....................... BUT I have an amazing life with a gorgeous family, a wonderful home and incredible friends that God has blessed me with. In the wake of all that has happened in Japan, I cannot dwell on any momentary inconvenience. I simply cannot imagine what life is like for thousands of precious Japanese people right now. Devastating doesn't scratch the surface. So as my mom and I said to eachother as we got off the phone "tomorrow will be better".

A Family of 5

Well, folks, I've had quite the hiatus from blogging now haven't I? I can't promise a renewed effort but I will say that in order to post details of Miss Macy, I'll probably resort to the blog over FB. I can post quick tidbits and pics on Facebook, but more detailed accounts will come via this blog. I want to be sure to get her birth story typed out here and now is the best time to start. She's sitting about 3 feet from me in her bouncer, squeaking like crazy, so we'll see how many more seconds I can type.

Miss Macy Noel Spicer made an early arrival on 1:28pm December 23rd.
I woke up that Thursday morning feeling bogged down with the stress of not knowing the name of our baby yet. It was just one of those mornings where I felt a little down, not very nice, and frustrated. So I told the boys while they were watching cartoons that I was going to be in the living room spending time with God. I spent a good 25 minutes just talking to God about our little yet-to-be-born baby. The gist of what I prayed was "Lord, I know you know this child so well. You know what she's going to look like, what she'll become, who she'll marry, etc. I put her in Your hands. You have the best plan and You will take good care of her. Please give me peace and remove all worry from me about this child. When she arrives, please make her name abundantly clear so that we are no longer so indecisive!"
After this (about 9am) I walked into the playroom to snuggle with Noah (he had been calling me 4-5 times during this prayer). I bent down on the ground and leaned over the couch to kiss and snuggle with Noah. About 5 seconds later, my water broke. WHOA!!! I almost laughed because the timing was let's say miraculous given my oh so recent prayer. What happened over the course of the next 20 minutes was making phone calls, packing the boys' bags, etc. God's timing was absolutely perfect as it was it was Christmas break, all of our friends were at home and many offered to take the boys. The boys went next door to Sandy's house and Bri and I headed to the Dr. office. After Dr. Weiler checked me out and confirmed that the baby was on her way, we headed across the street to the hospital. Not a single patient was in labor and delivery and so I had everyone's undivided attention. :) My anesthesiologist was awesome (Dr. Jackson) and took my previous less-than-desirable c-section stories very seriously. He made sure I had PLENTY of meds in my spinal and was so attentive the entire time. He kept holding my hand and was genuinely concerned about me every step of the way. He said I definitely had some of the strangest referred pain he had ever seen. While my 3rd c-section wasn't painless it was for sure the best one yet. Thank you God for answering that prayer!!
Macy made her entrance at 1:28pm and weighed 9lb 1oz. We all could not believe how big she was considering I had gained less weight and was smaller than the rest of my pregnancies. Her looks and cry reminded us of Noah SO MUCH! When Macy was pulled out and on the warming table behind my head, God put the name Macy in my head suddenly and s . While "Macy" was on our top 5 list, we had pretty much narrowed in on Amelia as the name even minutes prior to this. But I told Brian "I think her name is Macy" and he was surprised. He wanted me to hold her and look at her before I decided for sure. It was in the recovery area that we confirmed her name as Macy Noel and haven't doubted it since.
The rest is history as I had an amazing 48hr hospital stay and was at home with my family and parents on Christmas day. My nurses were all awesome and my recovery was quick and almost painless. Another answered prayer!
Macy is 3 weeks old today. The time has flown and been quite a blur as I'm still getting less than average sleep each night. But our sweet baby girl is growing so well, eating like a champ, and getting more alert each day studying all of our faces with intensity. We love her and are so excited to have her in our family!! I'll post more details soon and update with pics of the boys (who are Macy's BIGGEST fans). :)

Really? That long???

I can't even believe I've waited so long to post. I have had a million things to post but as many confess, the whole 1-2 sentence demand of Facebook has put a damper on my blog life. This will not be long even though I owe you a long post. But wanted to update you (don't you love how I assume there are still devoted readers here???) on a few items:

1) Tomorrow marks 6 weeks till Spicegirl is due to arrive via c-section. I would not be surprised if she arrives early, however it makes no difference to me if she waits till Dec 27. It's a little scary to say 6 weeks. That means, SOON. The bedroom is completely undone. No furniture, paint or bedding. Yep, you read right. That will all change in the next 7 days or so, so I'm not the least bit concerned.

2) Heartburn and sleep continue to be difficult but nothing too terrible. Brian was gone in Australia and New Zealand for 8 days and since he's been back I feel more energetic and like my normal self. Thank you, Lord! He will not be traveling for a looooong time, so we are looking forward to lots of good family time through the holidays.

3) No name for baby girl yet. Your prayers are appreciated! :)

4) My friend Cindy and Beth threw me an adorable, perfect, incredible shower and my mom was able to be here for it. I was completely overwhelmed by the love and support that surrounds me and how much this sweet girl is already loved. The boys have been so excited about all the gifts their sister is getting. Wesley especially likes to look at them over and over again. :) So precious. I'll be anxious to get everything hung up once the room is more complete.

5) Fall weather has finally descended on Bloomington, I think. God has blessed us with amazing warm weather for so long and the next week or so it is supposed to be highs in the 50's, lows in the 30's. I'm afraid there is no turning back now. But it's been a pretty fall and I'm actually starting to get very excited for all the holiday festivities. This will be our first Thanksgiving EVER without relatives/family. It will be a sweet time with just the 4 of us.....and the last time.

6) Noah and Wesley are doing awesome. They love school and Wesley especially has really grown up these last few months. His language and attitude seem so mature BUT he definitely knows a baby is coming because he in no way is relinquishing his baby title. The words, "Wesley! STOP talking like a baby!!" can be heard from the mouth of me, Brian or Noah several times a day. :) He chooses his timing well, but it's going to be a struggle. Their relationship as brothers brings a smile to my face everyday. While there is the typical sibling rivalry, they love eachother so much and adore playing all day long.
7) Heartburn---gonna have to cut this short. Tears are coming to my eyes at the moment because my throat and chest are BURNING. Must go take some beloved (not) Mylanta. To be continued!!!