It's in my throat. It's in the way I am squeezing my hands. It's in the way I am biting my teeth together. It forces the tears to develop on the surface of my eyes. It makes me breath fast and hard. It makes my mind swim. It blurs my vision. It makes me call out to my God. It leaves me discouraged, heartbroken and defeated at times. The anger Noah arises in me is not easily tamed. It is not often, but it is not mild. It is pushed down inside of me so that only a fraction comes out so that I may maintain my "cool". So that I can somehow come out on "top". So that I can appear the "adult" in each situation. But I admit it. I am angry. I'm angry that when he knows better, he simply doesn't care. I'm angry that he thinks crying can get him out of a situation (when in all actuality, it gets him in even more trouble). I'm angry that it's the littlest things that escalate into monstrous episodes. I'm angry that he makes me feel this way. And I'm even more angry that it takes awhile to go away.
Continued.......
And then I tell him to go to his room and draw a picture of his bad behavior and a picture of what his attitude should look like. After a short time I heard him playing and figured he had dissed me once again this morning. But to my surprise, this is what I found.....
Needless to say, my anger has dissolved.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Anger
Posted by April Spicer at 2/25/2009 10:10:00 AM
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4 comments:
Oh Man! That little man! You know I get just as angry...too quickly...as well! I think it is a little bit of OUR control nature...perfection...and thinking our children should act like adults most of the time!
What a sweet picture...see he totally knows and CARES...he is just showing his strong will.
Not that it is OK..and I am sure you don't think you are making a huge difference in all of your punishing..but you for sure are! It will be rewarded some day soon!
Love you and can't wait to see you Monday..seems like you may need a little break from Noah:).
What a great idea! Love those pictures:-)
Thanks for stopping by my blog today and leaving such sweet comments. I hope to see you back there soon:-)
Oh, that sweet boy!
We should chat sometime. I think the stage you are in is PRIME for mommy anger. It is like nothing else! I always had a temper (redhead, you know), and when my kids were little, I had SO many days where I just felt like I was going to explode. I feel like God has delivered me from it in many ways, but I think one HUGE way is that it simply changes when they grow up a little. I have lots o'friends who would agree. :)
The good thing is that it is pruning for you, too, when you recognize it and when it MAKES you pray! :)
Sweet April ... no parent is perfect but The Parent up above. This is a stage and it, too, will pass. Promise. One of the things I do sometimes, still, is take a "mommy time-out" so I can process and not react and so the interaction the girls and I have has meaning. Don't know if that would help. :)
I've been reading a parenting book (not always my favorite because they make me feel like a failure, but ... ) called "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids." It's by Turansky and Miller and it is WONDERFUL! Very practical suggestions and I love the character and future that is planned into it. Just a thought!
You are a sweet precious daughter of the King and I love you and miss you bunches!
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