Wait a minute

I'm kind of freaking out right now. We picked up a toddler bed from our neighbor tonight and Brian got it all set up in Wesley's room (with his crib still there). I methodically reminded Brian how we did with this with Noah.......first we let him look at it and get used to its presence....then we let him take naps in it but still sleep in his crib at night....etc, etc.
I gave Noah a late bath tonight and walk about of the bathroom to find Wesley's door already closed and Brian told me he put him to bed. I said, "Did he ask about the big boy bed at all??"
"He's in the big boy bed" Brian says.
Ummmmmmmm, what?????? "I'm not ready" is all I could keep saying. I didn't even get to look at him! There's no turning back. One night in the big boy bed and he'll never want to sleep in the crib again! And I'm kinda progression-oriented so I can't rationalize putting him in the crib some nights and not others. What just happened???? My baby..........

Rico, Julia, and Pumpkins

Nice title huh? Well, it is a preview of a very diverse post I will write here. There is much to write about and I know you want to hear about Costa Rica but I just don't feel like pouring over the details, so I'll give you a few highlights of the last week.

• Costa Rica was beeeeee-utiful. Weather was perfect---only rained one day. They were on mountain time, so Brian and I were up at 6:15am every morning so our days were nice and long.
  
• We ate lots of good food. Costa Rican food is like authentic mexican food with more flavor. So that's yummy.
  
• There are lizards/iguanas everywhere. Big ones. So we named one of them Rico that we passed every single morning as we left our bungalow.
• We went ziplining and that was a huge highlight. I highly recommend doing it if you every have a chance. It's not scary at all---totally exhilarating. I was just sad cuz I didn't see a sloth zipping next to me.
  
• I got stung by a jellyfish.....within 2 hours of arriving at the hotel. I know, crazy. After spending half my life in the Pacific Ocean, this is the first time that has ever happened. But really, it's not a big deal. I think it's a bigger deal picturing that thing touching your body than the actual pain. And I didn't even see it, so there you go.
  
• My sister is a rockstar for watching my kiddos (and hers). Everyone had a blast and I am as thankful for the time my kids got to spend with them as I am getting to spend time alone with Brian. I would have loved to actually be here in IN to visit with her more (since this was her first time visiting). Kimmy, I love you! You are the best!
  
• Today I went to see Julie & Julia with my friends Cindy and Beth (as well as brunch and shopping). I truly can't remember the last time I shopped for clothes with girlfriends. I am not a shopper and this was much more fun than I ever thought possible. I think it was because we didn't even plan on going---the movie theater lost power and we had to kill time somehow............so TJMaxx reaped the benefits of the power outtage. :) Anyway, the three of us had so much fun browsing and recommending clothes for eachother. My amazing husband let me spend 7 hours away from home today and that was perfect in everyway.
  
• But the true high point was seeing Julie & Julia. Please go see it as soon as you can. It's a perfect movie in many ways. Nothing bad, crude, or inappropriate. The couples in the movie are married which is a WELCOMED change. The food looks amazing and my head flew back many times as I laughed heartily at the film. But truly, at it's core, it's shows two great partnerships and the journey of marriage. It shows how women seek to be defined these days and back in the 50's. And yes, if you know me at all, you know I love cooking, love food, love reading about food, etc. So it's a hard movie not to love. Meryl Streep does a homerun job and I couldn't critique her if I wanted to. I have countless memories of my dad and I watching Julia Childs all growing up on TV. My dad loved to imitate her voice (who doesn't?) but he also loved to see her cook. So did I. I think at the end of the film, it says her Mastering the Art of French Cooking is in it's 57th edition. I presume after this movie gets seen enough, it will be in it's 80th printing before too long. I know I have a sudden itch to learn french cuisine!
• To tie up this random post, I wanted to declare I have 2 itsy bitsy teenie weenie pumpkins growing on my vines. Pumpkin plants grow amazingly fast. The variety I'm planting are small sugar (pie) pumpkins and will be perfect for decoration and cooking. Since they are small, my guess is I don't have to wait near as long for them to mature as you would huge jack-o-lantern ones. Anyhoo, it gets me very excited for the fall, even if that does mean that summer has to end, and cold weather will be ushered in shortly after fall. :(
  

I'll be back soon to post pics of Costa Rica and hopefully start up a more regular blog life once again. Hope everyone out there is healthy and happy!!!

And we're off!

Alrighty folks, I realize I haven't been very studious in blogging lately so it's not like you'll miss me much more on vacation right? Brian and I are about to embark on our 10th anniversary trip to Costa Rica. The kids are being cared for by family and all is well in the world. I'm giving myself a little positive self talk cuz at the moment I'm feeling the whole separation anxiety, guilt, fear junk which is so NOT appropriate. I would really appreciate your prayers that Brian and I have a truly memorable trip with lots of relaxing and growing closer than we have the past 10 years. I really want this to be the best trip we've ever had and 90% of that happens in my head---not circumstances. So join with me in prayer that I can leave my mommy duties alone for a few days and just remember how much I love being an adult=====an adult in paradise! I also appreciate your prayers for the kids that they stay safe and healthy. We're on a bit of an injury spree so it needs to stop the minute I walk out the door. :) Half of Noah's face is purple (not an exaggeration) and Wesley got hit in the head close range with a rock today leaving 3 little gashes in his head. He was tough though and nothing serious, thank goodness.

I hope all is well with those of you that read my blog. I'm not sure what my deal is lately but I seem to have lost my mojo. Hopefully a nice vacation will cure that right up and I'll be back in full effect shortly. See you all soon!

Deep Thoughts?

Sometimes I feel like 10 times a day I'm asking myself if anyone else thinks like me. You know, when you are totally nodding your head while your kid asks you a question and your mind is off in Jumanji.....those kinds of thoughts. Brian has to sometimes physically pull me back into the present because I'm off somewhere thinking of the deepest, weirdest, craziest, saddest things that human beings can possibly think of. Have you been there? I think that it takes being around someone who is so not a deep thinker that makes you feel one of two things: a psychopath or a genius. So lately I've had moments of feeling very intelligent, or very unstable---wonderful options if I do say so myself. I think I've passed on this gene to Noah. That kid asks me some pretty insane questions and I can see just where his mind is headed after I answer.

Why does God make some people think so dang differently than others? Ya ya ya, there's the whole bit about challenging one another and revealing new things/ideas/answers, but most of the time I think it's just frustrating. And no, I have no direction for this post whatsoever, so if you are searching, don't. For instance, there was recently some legislation that passed here that allows the Athiest Society to post ads in the city buses that read "You Can Be Good without God". Really? Now what are they hoping to gain by posting these signs? A bunch of people suddenly leaping for joy and saying "Phew! What a relief!"? I mean, I'm totally baffled by this. I think those of us that are true believers feel we really aren't capable of being good without God---because afterall, all good things come from Him. But the world of course is quick to believe that yes, naturally, you can be good without God. I know "good" people that have no relationship with God whatsoever---but that doesn't change the fact that He created them--and created them in His image. Anyhoo, just something I've been stewing over for the last 24 hours after reading the paper. Oh and to touch on that, there's the whole story of the guy in NC that was supposedly the nicest, wisest, most helpful neighbor around and turns out he was orchestrating some major terrorism plot. So maybe you can be "good" without God but not all good. And does any of his good really matter at all if he was planning on blowing multitudes of people up somewhere down the line?

I know, heavy stuff. And yet, right in the middle of these thought patterns I'm given a net by one of my sons and told I'm a princess and to put it on my head. So I do, and then I act like a 5 yr old and laugh and then boom---I'm back at the brain business. It. never. stops. I just wonder at what level of conscienceness God really intended us to be at. Why did he give us levels of thought, if you will? Why are deep thoughts considered to be usually darker, sadder, more serious, etc?

Anyway, totally not a pick-me-up post. But I do have one more recognizable "deep thinker" for ya to wrap up this odd segment. Closing thought, but Jack Handy:

"Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is
capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as
you might think."

Backyard Campout

We went to the lake last weekend and saw all the people camping and it got our camping juices flowing. We are hoping to have our first "real" camping trip in the next month or two after we've purchased a few necessities. Until then.....................




....our backyard worked like a charm! The boys had the best time ever and Noah and Brian even slept all night in the tent. We had a crazy cold front come in and it dropped into the mid fifties. They stayed toasty in the tent and woke up with some great memories made. It was fun for Brian and I to see the tent up since it hasn't been since our ole married-no-kids days. Now we're all ready for the real thing sometime soon!

Summer Fun and 4th of July

We've spent a lot of time outside in July. The weather has been gorgeous and we have enjoyed God's creation so much. Oh! And Wesley threw away all his pacis!!! Just a random factoid I thought I'd share. :) It's been 2 weeks and he is doing great. He saw a pic today of him sucking on one and he got a little sad, but that's it. We're so proud of our growing boy. So here are some pics of July.
The boys pouring water on my feet. They are such good sports!



Best buddies, Drew, Wesley, Noah and Rachel.
Cuties at the park having a pow-wow.
The Spicers on the 4th of July.
Noah swimming confidently in his floaties on the lake.

The Highs

****I started writing this post on 7/7 and am determined to finish it tonight. I apologize for the ridiculous delay!

After working out in the garden (a new pumpkin patch plot I'm digging up) and getting sweaty and dirty and nasty, I would much rather sit back and look at a magazine or watch TV while the boys are still sleeping. HOWEVER, if I don't come back around and write my "highs" from our Texas roadtrip, I just may never do it. So here are some pics to complement my words.

First off, the road trip was fantastic. Really, it was. The boys were amazing---didn't flinch at being in the car that long. We stopped in Memphis for the night which is 7.5 hours from Bloomington. It was perfect timing as it was midnight TN time. Then the next day, we headed the final 6 hours to TX. Because all of the suggestions my amazing friends gave me on Facebook, I came prepared with so many things for the boys to do. However, they didn't even get into a lot of it because they were content to just be. They didn't even watch much TV which shocked me cuz I got a bunch of new stuff from the library.
This cross was HUGE!!


Next we got to my parents house and it was such a wonderful welcome. Unfortunately, I took no pics of the boys in the garden, or playing with Mee-ma and Papa which was such a bummer. I just can't believe I forgot. But here are the boys playing in Mee-ma's bath after a super sweaty Texas day.
On our way out of Tyler, we stopped at this awesome park/museum that is owned by Brookshires---a large grocery store chain there. Once again, I should have taken pics of this museum. It had real stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes from practically every continent. The boys were amazed. Then we went outside to the park where they have an old train and firetruck that you can climb on.




Then we went on to my sister Kasey's place which is in big D. We had a great time visiting with her and the boys of course savored their time with cousins, Connor and Payton.






We spent the next couple days visiting with our good friend's the Chapman's and the Ashlocks. The Ashlock's have been mentors to Brian and me in many ways and we miss them dearly. We had a blast being with them as they prepared to send their first daughter Amber off in marriage. Pics of that in a minute. Here are some pics of Noah, Taylor, Bubba (lil' David) and Wesley. They are the best of buds and we enjoyed thoroughly hangin' with Kristen and Dave just relaxin. Too bad I took pictures of no grownups!

The Woodwards are some of our best friends who we've traveled with on mission trips in the past. We had a nice splurge of a dinner at Morton's one night and then we visited later in the week again. Pitifully, the ONLY pic I took was this one of Amber reading to Carter and Wesley.
We spent a few days at my oldest sister, Kim's house. Noah and Wesley were in heaven having unlimited time with their cousins. I of course, loved watching them play and relaxing with my sisters. We also got to spend Father's Day all together with my dad and that was incredibly special. We don't know when the last time that happened---maybe 15 years or more!




We left my sisters and headed for a quick visit at the LST office. I loved seeing some of my old co-workers and catching up on all their happenings. It is almost impossible for me to believe it's been a year and a half since I've worked. Amazing how time has flown. But I am completely sure that God has me doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing----teaching, loving and caring for these 2 little rascals I call Noah and Wesley. :) We spent 2 nights with my good friend Stephanie and her 2 boys (her hubbie was out of town). It was so nice to catch up with her as I had not been very good at keeping in touch. The boys had a blast with her 2 little boys Jake and Cole. They spoiled us with all their neat toys as you will see below.




We closed our trip with the wedding of Amber Ashlock and Trevor Cates. It was a beautiful night and the wedding was perfect. We saw many familiar faces and the boys had so much fun. Noah kept saying, "I can't believe I'm at a wedding!" It was so cute. Here are couple pics of the wedding. Unfortunately I could never get a good pic of the boys. They looked so cute in these outfits Aunt Kasey bought them.

So there is FINALLY the summary of our trip. It has been 3 weeks since we got back and July is flying by. We loved our time in TX and even the road trip parts of it. It was nice to spend time together as a family even if it did feel weird being a "visitor" in TX. :) Thank you again to everyone who hosted us!! We love and miss all of our family in TX so much!

Highs & Lows

At mealtime, the four of us have "highs and lows" as a part of our dinner conversation. I heard a friend of ours say they did that and thought it was something we should start as well. Sometimes we get laughs out of what is said, other times we really learn what Noah appreciates about his day, etc. Well, I thought it appropriate to make a highs and lows list of my time here in TX. It'll be a little generic because I can't possibly list all the people that I had fun with and don't want to insult anyone I didn't have fun with. :) (wink wink)

I'm actually going to start with the low. You read right, THE low, singular. My former youth minister and friend died today from acute respiratory distress syndrome that was brought on by the swine flu. Yes, someone actually got it and died from it that isn't foreign, or infantile, or elderly. 26 days ago Ron Stowe was a healthy guy. Today he died and went to spend eternity next to Jesus. Simply mind boggling. I'm heartbroken. I haven't spoke to Ron for years. I didn't even know that he and his family live here in TX now. I knew him in Southern Cal when I was real young, and then he was my youth minister in Albuquerque my junior and senior year. It was ironic that I got the news he was sick while we were here. They live in Pflugerville, TX which is near San Antonio, I believe. He and Lauren were going to celebrate their 25th anniversary this August. They have four children ages 11 to 21. I used to babysit their first 2 in highschool. I was a jacked up high school student who thought I was a lot cooler than I was. I did things I shouldn't do and was not really involved at all in the youth group. But I babysat===and that is where Ron and I formed our friendship. He and Lauren were 2 of maybe 5 adults that I could actually talk to and felt like myself around. I thought they were so cool and they made me feel like one of their own. We would stay up late talking after they returned from their dates. It made me feel special. The quality Ron possessed that I loved the most was his humor. That guy was funny. Dang funny. He was so sarcastic and HILARIOUS. He could make me laugh with a mere look. I wanted to be around him all the time---which says a lot for a teenager. I just want to cry really really hard about this but haven't been in the right spot to do so. There are about 540 people just on FB that have been praying for Ron and most of them had a relationship with him. IT's been fun to reconnect and even find people that i know now that I had no idea knew Ron. (did that make sense?)  

Ultimately, I'm confused. And that might not be the best word. I've said before that I don't cope well with anything I can't understand or that doesn't have a logical explanation. I guess today is like the exclamation point on this quality/struggle. Honestly? I really thought God was going to heal him (on earth). I really did. I mean, when over 500 people just on Facebook unite to pray for this man at just the right time, and God's glory can be shown in a uniquely powerful way after he's been on life support for 13 days, WHY WOULDN'T HE???? I just don't get it. I'm at a loss. I feel defeated. And I shouldn't. Because ultimately Ron got his reward tonight. But I feel defeated because I just don't understand why God didn't heal him. Of course lots of wonderful things will be said about him and people will go to the ends of the earth to take care of his precious family. But at this very moment, I really do feel like we needed him more here on earth. That's my raw honesty. And so it is times like this that I feel like an awkward daughter not knowing what to say to my Dad. Knowing ultimately He knows best, but not liking his decision and feeling really really sad. 

Please lift up the Stowe family in prayer, today and every day that you can remember. As we can all see the length of this blog post is getting ridiculous and therefore I'm going to hold off on the highs till tomorrow or Monday. And maybe it is simply appropriate to mourn today and celebrate another day anyway. 

A quick one.......

So I'm blogging from my parents house and I just wanted to say a few things I'm thankful for on this Sunday:

--simple, old toys. My mom has never revamped her toy collection here. She has no new fangled gadgets. She has one thing of legos, a set of toy dishes, a small box of cars, many books--the newest of which is about 11 years old, and a jar of little beanie baby type animals. The kids have so much fun and I'm just amazed that they can stay occupied with these few simple things. Actually, she did buy one of those $5 plastic golf club sets awhile back from Walmart and the boys have had a blast with that.

--Ironically, the hot weather. Texas is hot. Real hot. But funny enough, Noah wants to be outside more than he even does at home, which is a lot. He has been sweaty for probably 15 out of the 24 hours we've been here. I went for a jog/walk and even though I felt like I was running inside of a broiler, there was something so gratifying about it===call me crazy.

--Gardens. My dad has a huge garden. Probably much bigger than he really likes or can handle. But he works his old behind off taking care of it. Noah and Wesley are thoroughly enjoying picking loads of black berries, onions, and zucchini. I can only imagine what the Garden of Eden looked like, but I think God put in us a natural awe and respect for gardens.

--Church. Being at my parents church today made me love, respect and admire things that maybe at one point in my life I felt a little "above". It's hard to put my thoughts into words here but I just appreciate a faithful group of believers so much. My parents go to the oldest Church of Christ in Tyler (really old) but it is big, and thriving and has a Spanish speaking congregation as well. It's definitely traditional, but I don't mean that in a bad way. I loved the people that taught my boys this morning. There is such a respect for the older generation. And even with a congregation of great size (I'm guessing 700 or more) they take so much time to pray for the hurting, sick, and aging....something God tells us to do but I admit I don't nearly enough and neither does my church family back home (atleast publically in Sunday morning worship). They truly treat everyone like family and they are more about the people that make up this family than sticking to schedules, programs or a perception from guests. However, I think when a guest realizes how much love is in this church, they immediately want to be part of a body of Christ that truly loves and takes care of one another.

--My parents. I love them. I'm so happy to be with them. I'm so happy to be on vacation at their house. And I'm so happy for the time my kids get to spend with them. Family is one of the most simple pleasures in life. I'm so grateful for a good one.

It's a Girl!!!

Me, that is. Ha, I'm sure some of you thought that I might have tricked you and been pregnant for months without telling because you would have NO IDEA since you live in TX or CA (most of you readers) and announcing the actual sex here would have been brilliant yet cruel all at the same time...............BREATHE.............but no, I'm not. And I wouldn't couldn't do that anyway. So no worries.

However! The topic begs for some elaboration because it simply is on. my. mind. all. the. time. Not really having a girl, or a baby, or nursing, or burping, or giving medicine to, or pacing around with, or changing one's diaper. But simply the idea of what phase of life am I in, really anyway??? This post could be completely serious or completely comical and I'm not sure which direction to go in.........so I take a little of dis and a little of dat and here I go.

I have a split personality. I do. One minute I can be found pouring over blogs that discuss details of cloth diapers, slings, nursing, and organic everything. The next minute I am fantasizing about the next vacation we'll take and how the boys will do awesome and the world of opportunities that is quickly opening up to our family of 4 everyday as the boys (and us) gain more independence. Schoolwork, organized sports, volunteering here and there, even a possible part time job serving somewhere all sound so appealing. Ideas of road trips long and short, train rides, water parks, mission trips etc etc flash all around the tips of my brain.

Then I see a woman with 4, 5, 6, 7+ children and I'm envious. I want that. I want to be that mom (only if her kids are angels). I want to be so organized that I could totally do that. I want to be so well rounded that I can be nursing and hosting parties, team mom and toilet training, traveling and spoon feeding, all at the same time. But what I want to be and what I am (or think I am) are quickly running in opposite directions. And then there is the whole ethical side of my dilemma. I'm in no way making a universal statement here, but something I (April Beth Spicer) struggle with is if there is a moral obligation to have more kids because I can, I was created to do so, and we've been given all the worldly means to further grow our family in faith and love.

Why can't I be one of the billion people out there that just "knows" when they are done? Why do I have to think about everything sooooooooooo deeply and consider all the possibilities to the ends of the earth? Why? I can honestly say there isn't a friend around me that is in this predicament (unless you've been holding out on me). They either want more children, or are happy to be done (or are done because of medical reasons). They are not a pathetic wishy washy person such as I.

I pray. I do. I pray. I want God to either remove desire for another little baby (which there are days when I think He is doing so) or remove all my fears that exist about having another one.

You might wonder where Brian is in this whole cloud of uncertainty. Well, he can be found pretty much where I am. There are days when he says, "I just don't know how we'd do another one." and then there are plenty of moments where I knooooooooooooooow he would love another one---especially if he could have a girl. Yikes.

So I'm just throwing this all out there into Blogland. Truly, it's the #1 thing on my mind and heart, and I kinda wish it weren't so. Pray for us. As we try to discern the Lord's will in our lives and not confuse it with our own.

And whatever you do, don't come around and tell me one way or the other how fabulous your life is because you stopped at 2, 3, 4 or so on. I'll only get envious and picture my life as yours and wish that somehow, I would have gotten pregnant with a 3rd awhile ago unplanned so that I wasn't in this situation right now thinking about it. I have a love hate relationship with planning and right now, it's kinda making me hate it. :) I know some of God's greatest blessings come in the form of a surprise and so maybe I wish all this would play out in a surprise. But if you know me at all, you know I'd find some way to prevent that from happening. Because my life is always on a need-to-know basis. I'm nosy that way.

Gotta go tend to my 2 "planned" blessings. Enjoy your day---whatever phase of life you happen to be in, whether mind or body...today.