I'm here, I'm here!

I simply couldn't think of a creative title, so there you go. :) The Spicers are still here. Kickin' along. It's mid-October and the cool weather has swept in and left everyone a bit unprepared. But the trees are GORGEOUS and I've got to get myself out there to take some pictures. Our friend Paul Begin from childhood and Pepp is coming for a visit this weekend. We're very excited. He has had a rough year and we're so glad we get him for a couple days. I really love having visitors. I feel like I'm in my element when I'm getting ready for guests. I love cooking for people and through observations I've taken from other hospitable friends, I've learned ways to (hopefully) make people feel at home and comfortable. So please if you are ever in need of a little vaca, please come see me! :)

Let's see, how are we doing? We have much to be thankful for. Noah is having a great year so far at preschool. His teacher tells me wonderful things about him and he's learning so much every week. Noah is really into numbers and drawing. I would say those 2 things make up his study time. He can play on a calculator for an hour and recite various addition equations all day long. Now, doesn't that make the financial dork in me proud?! Would you believe the other day he said, "Mom, like, what are we going to DO in heaven???" And of course, being the not-so-short-with-words person I am, I started to remind him of the garden....and how Adam and Eve didn't have to work till they sinned....and so chances are we won't have to do any kind of "work" in heaven, etc etc. Well, Noah didn't sound very pleased and he said, "Well, I'm SURE they will atleast have calculators for me to work on up there!" Yes, dear, I'm sure they will. :) Noah is also doing Upwards soccer and LOVES IT. We love it to. Definitely a fun sport to cheer him on in!

Wesley. Now where do I begin with him? I'm head over heels in love with him. I mean it. I cannot stop kissing him and smelling him and loving on him all.day.long. He is absolutely adorable in everyway (aren't I humble?) and makes me laugh all the time. He's very bright and comes up with the most amazing statements. He has picked up a lot of slang and that's particularly funny. He still loves books and puzzles. He likes diddling around by himself but also adores playing with Noah. He was sick all last week, so of course I'm thrilled to have my little energy bug back in action.

Brian is doing well. He's super busy at work and continues to travel but I never cease to be amazed at his bright ideas and success, professionally. He'll actually be home for the next few weeks which is an unusual blessing this time of year!

I am keeping busy. I help lead a small group at my Friday morning Bible study. That is going well and I've met some really awesome people this year. Between cleaning, playing, and driving hither and yon I seem to stay pretty occupied. I will be going on a "girls" weekend with my best friend (and college roommate) here in the next few weeks and I'm really starting to get excited. It seems inconceivable that we will have eachother's undivided attention for 3 days (not to mention surrounded by gorgeous scenery). God has blessed my life with a husband who was eager to let me do this. After that we have family visiting for turkey day and then more family to go visit for Christmas. Many a good thing in store this fall/winter!

I made my first of apple and pumpkin pies this fall!! It has been so fun buying more local produce. We even bought eggs, cheese, and sausage from local farms lately. Man. cheese from a local farm is TONS tastier than the Kroger cheese I've been buying for years. Too bad I had to drive 40 minutes to get it. :)

Okay, signing off for now. Gotta go get ready to pick Paul up from the airport!

This can't be the beginning...........

Sorry folks, this will seem like a doom and gloom post which I try to keep from writing much. But I'm in that kind of mood today. Our weather got cold this week. lows in the 40s, highs in the 50s. Almost 48 hrs after this started, both boys got stuffy. Now today Wesley has a fever. We were inside almost all day. This can't be the beginning. It can't. I'm simply not ready or mentally prepared to begin the days of 'Oh crap! Shut the door before the air bites off my face' yet. Now me being the dramatic person that I am must warn you that it will be getting back to 70 or so this week with lows in the 50's. So all hope is not lost. But it was really gloomy today and the sun didn't show and I just felt ick. Plus, the minute one of my kids gets a fever, it is. just.terrible. I feel like we're trapped in a closet. Now Wesley was acting mostly happy and normal today, so it should be no big deal right? But this is the season Bri travels a lot and the whole no warm sun thing coupled with any illness is pretty much my worse form of torture. This is when I long for family. I can beat down the door of any family member regardless of sickness usually and most definitely when I'm a loner. Then I don't feel like I'm in a closet, I feel like the old days of being a family and growing up together. We were always around eachother sick and it was no biggie. Which I could write a whole post right now on having these weird feelings of wanting to be a little girl again and having my old family back, etc etc, but I won't. It's depressing, slightly weird, and simply not gonna happen. Don't tell me you haven't ever thought that, because I don't want to hear it. I might just tell you that you're lying. :) And yes, I LOVE my family and my kids and my husband and we are jolly and I wouldn't trade them for a minute. So there is nothing to worry about if you are one to worry.

Two of my best friends in TX have delivered babies lately and so this could be part of realizing how absent I am from the life I knew for so long. I have one friend here who had a baby recently but that's it. Most of my friends are done having kids and so there is none of that to be a part of. Also, there are moments when I realize it's getting a little foggier for Noah to remember things about our life in TX and how pretty soon here, Indiana will be the bulk of his background.

Do you see what ONE MEASLY DAY of bad weather does to this girl??????!!!??? So leave comments that make me laugh or remind me of a memory with you or that tell me you are sending me lots of presents in the mail. Any of those will help. :) Hopefully tomorrow, being Sunday, and being "my favorite day of the week" as my Dad always told me will turn this mood around. I'll let ya know..........

Peace

"And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ....Then the God of peace will be with you. " Philippians 4:8,9

I'm in the middle of a Bible study at church called Me, Myself and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. This study has zeroed in on my #1 struggle....my thoughts. They are my constant companion and mostly consist of judgements, labels, insecurities and lies. And it seems that since I began this study, Satan has been putting extra muscle behind his attacks on my mind. I think he realizes that if God can cause a breakthrough in this area, and restore my thoughts to love, truth, and peace, then he has lost his most valuable tool in my destruction. So before I go on, please if you think of it, pray for me in this struggle. I cannot be too proud or naive to think that asking for prayer in this area wouldn't greatly improve my chances at victory.

One thing I've found myself doing a lot lately is engaging in a frantic list of things I need. I need yoga! I need a massage! I need someone to watch Wesley a few hours a week. I need more dates with Brian. I need more time by myself. Now none of these things are wrong or invalid. In fact, at some level, I really do want them all. But the whole and sum reason behind all of them is to attain a peace that I so strongly desire. It's like I feel my shoulders crunched up to my ears and I'm trying to find anything that will cause me to feel relaxed, whole, and at peace. Last night, in the middle of a meltdown, I started upon this list again...trying to think which items I could attain the fastest and my plan for getting them. And I felt God tell me: I am your peace. Nothing will give you the feeling that you are looking for but Me.

Skip with me ahead to this morning as I settled in to my Bible study. One of the first verses I was told to look up was Philippians 4:8. And I instantly knew God was so right, and I was so wrong. He is always looking out for me and trying to show me what is best for me. Not only does he know how badly I need to rearrange my thought closet, but he even tells me in the end it will give me peace! Peace, peace, how badly I desire you! After I heard God talk to me last night, I even had this vision of me putting up scriptures all over the house to make myself see, remember, and think about His Word. I mean, what else out there is pure, lovely, true, and excellent? Nothing with those characteristics bombards me daily. Nothing. In fact, quite the opposite. So today I begin the proactive task of surrounding myself with His truths and promises so that the God of peace will be with me.

God is not a liar. He wouldn't tell me that fixing my thoughts on truth and love will give me peace if it won't. So I'm believing Him, and taking captive the icky thoughts in my mind. I'll hopefully have stories of victory to share with you as time moves on. :)

In case you wondered.......

my bath was kind of comical. How did yours turn out? After 15 minutes of adjusting my body so that I could be down in the warm water but high enough so that I didn't submerge my magazine, I threw my half soaked pages (no lie) out of the bath and just sat there (I mean, whose idea was it to read a magazine in the tub anyway???). The window was open and all I could hear were the night crickets. Now that was relaxing. I had this little satchel of lavender and rosemary that had been sitting in the tub and it wasn't doing anything. I didn't smell it, it didn't make the water smell, I was kind of perturbed. So in the final seconds of sitting there, I picked it up and crushed it over and over in my hands, rolling it as tightly as I could. Suddenly, as if just awoken, all the smells overpowered me. It was amazing! I just kept sniffing the little bundle as if an addict and letting the herbal properties wash over me. They really do work in case you wondered. :) The hot water alone had made my head a little dizzy---the good kind---and now I felt more relaxed.

After the bath I plopped down in my bed--the very thing I said I don't like to do---and read my magazine while Brian was downstairs absorbed by the Bears game. I could hardly keep my eyes open but I trudged through cuz there were some really interesting articles. All in all, a good exercise in relaxation and that's my tale. Did anyone else out there attempt the bogus idea of reading in the bathtub???

Been there?

We just finished dinner as a family. I mentioned, "I think I'm going to take a bath so I can read a magazine." Noah says, "YOU want to take a BATH?" I said, "I know, I never want to. But I think it might be the only time I can read a magazine quietly." Brian said,"You can read one tonight" insinuating that he will be glued to the Bears game and so obviously I'll have all the time to read a magazine. But I never want to sit there and read a magazine while in the same room with him. I also don't feel like being up in my bedroom when he's downstairs watching TV and the kids are asleep. So, as stated before, I believe the only way I can effectively read a magazine, is to do it while sitting in hot scented water....possibly even sipping on a margarita.....while everyone is awake and doing their own thing without me.

This whole scenario is simply a recurrence of the same desire, different year. I remember so clearly when Noah was about oh, 10 months (all the way up to 20 months) and I would bring a blanket out to our front yard in Flowermound and arrange a bunch of toys on it. I would then set up a chair for myself and then plop Noah down on the blanket. This was all in the name of possibly getting a shred of sun on my skin and you guessed it, reading my magazine. I would no sooner turn over one page and Noah would throw a toy off of the blanket onto the grass and then whine for it. He wasn't big on the tickly feeling of the grass and so crawling on it wouldn't have crossed his mind. So I'd put down my magazine and then stand up to walk over and get the toy. I'd sink back down into the camp chair, open up my magazine and then start over . As you have experienced many times yourself (I'm just going out on a limb here!) the neediness of a child on a blanket is suprisingly constant. Oh sure, I had a couple friends who's babies would lay there comatose for an hour while their mommy could do whatever she pleased. That miracle of a habit never made it to the Spicer household.

Now today, 4.5 years later, it isn't picking up thrown toys. It's answering the constant tidal waves of questions from both of my children. As soon as my answer seems to sink in and the water settles, another even larger/more intense/more pointless/more critical question follows. Today we had a moment of silence at church that lasted, oh I don't know, maybe 2 minutes. I sat there thinking how funny it is that humans (or maybe Americans) have to be instructed to remain silent for it to ever occur. The silence I heard for those 2 minutes was glorious---but completely involuntary if you will. We had to be told to WAIT for the prayer to begin---knowing full well that people (myself included) simply can't stand to be quiet and would never on their own accord decide to sit in silence for 2 minutes. But friends, that is what I CRAVE. That is what makes reading a magazine (Real Simple, if you must know) so fulfilling. The ability for me to sit and look at pictures and read meaningful words and reflect without ever once being interrupted. I save magazines for quiet times when Brian is away, and pedicures. That's pretty much it. And sometimes (read: almost always) I'm too tired when Brian is away to focus and so I put it off. I'm not a pick-up-a-magazine-11 times-before-it-is-finished kind of gal. I like to read them all in one fail swoop or at most, split it in half between two nice reads.

So instead of reading a magazine right this moment, I'm typing about my desire to read a magazine. See how screwed up we are? Ha! It is time folks. I'm heading to get this funny little pillow that will possibly make taking a bath a tiny bit more desirable just so I can sit in my bathroom alone and read my magazine. I know, you are thinking that sounds kind of nice. You are thinking you might just go try this on for size. Well, go, be free, and enjoy your magazine. Let me know how it worked out for you. I'll surely do the same!

What a Day

What a Day I say, what a Day.

His choice of donuts. More toys than you can even picture strewn across several rooms in the house. Teachers at church that love him so much and said Happy Birthday to him. His choice to go wherever he wanted for lunch (Chilis). Playing new games, laughter, friends running everywhere. Cake and more cake!! Golfing with Daddy and Papa. Football in the backyard. Family from near and far calling on the phone to wish him a very happy birthday. Prayers to thank God for this special boy that has grown to be 5 years old. Dirty dishes all over the kitchen that were filled with yummy food. Being parents for the last 5 years to one incredible boy.

We are blessed.

We are blessed.

I Am........

tasting the ranch from lunch an hour ago. Love Buccetos. Hate the aftertaste.

smelling fresh sheets that I just folded.

watching the trees dance in the breeze out my window.

listening to the new Need to Breathe CD. Heavenly.

touching my keyboard and holding a cup of water simultaneously.

feeling excited for Brian to walk through the door from a business trip.

loving my friends....Misty, Carrie, Cindy and Beth to name a few. :)

desiring another baby!

wishing I could make impromptu visits to Texas, California, Colorado, New York and Montana.

thanking my Creator for always knowing what is best for me.

needing to get up and do some cleaning. :)

Groupies

Not really. But we did have a blast at a Need to Breathe concert with our friends Misty and Thad. I have to tell you, people, if you don't listen to them, YOU ARE MISSING OUT!! They are amazing. And in concert, even better! The lead singer's voice is incredible, completely natural and flawless. They jam. We felt young and old all at the same time. Please, if you haven't heard them, go check em' out on ITunes. Their newest CD released today in the stores. But every single one of their CDs have been amazing. Here's some pics of our night out on the town!

Parents

I just said goodbye to my parents about 15 minutes ago. We have spent a week together and they just drove away to take the long journey back to TX. While I'm not a newbie to IN like last summer, their visit still meant so much to me and I find myself feeling a little sad and sentimental. You might remember me talking about these same emotions when my mom finished a visit last fall.
There is just something about being with my parents that lets me take a break and focus on being a daughter instead of just a mom and wife. When they leave, it's like a horn in my face that it's back to the grind of going a million miles a minute (sometimes) and kinda feels sad at first. Suddenly I am the one making every decision, cleaning every mess, and ultimately responsible for everything. A wonderful accompaniment to these roles is to wake up SICK, the very morning they are leaving. My first instinct is to think if I have anyone that can save me and take the boys off my hands for a few hours so I can sleep. I had many people to call in TX that fit that description. I have people that would say yes here too, but I would end up feeling a little guilty. A close friend in Texas, Kristen, was always just a phone call away and she would happily take my kids for me. She has her own wild and woolly kids, but she truly loved having my kids there. I never felt guilty. I trusted her.

Trust is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. That's what so great about having mom and dad here is I trust them 100%. There is just something precious about being with people that you trust 100%. I can be completely transparent and never let my self conscious get the best of me. What a blessing! I think part of trusting is understanding expectations. I trust God is who He says He is and that He is all powerful, loving and good. But I definitely confuse myself about His expectations and tell myself lies based on the world and my earthly father-daughter relationship. Then trust becomes a little harder and more complicated. It was sooooooo good for me to re-read The Shack recently and I'll discuss that in another post. But ultimately I loved gaining back my perspective on who God is and what He does and doesn't expect of me. He simply wants a relationship with His child. And it is the most freeing, trusting, burden-less Father-daughter relationship there could ever be. So now that my parents are headed back to their life in TX, I feel my heavenly Father telling my heart to commit some precious time to Him. I can trust Him. I'm not alone today while I muster up energy to clean, do laundry, and attend to my children. He is here. He is letting me be a daughter even when my most obvious role is a mother today. I just have to practice remembering that!

Wait a minute

I'm kind of freaking out right now. We picked up a toddler bed from our neighbor tonight and Brian got it all set up in Wesley's room (with his crib still there). I methodically reminded Brian how we did with this with Noah.......first we let him look at it and get used to its presence....then we let him take naps in it but still sleep in his crib at night....etc, etc.
I gave Noah a late bath tonight and walk about of the bathroom to find Wesley's door already closed and Brian told me he put him to bed. I said, "Did he ask about the big boy bed at all??"
"He's in the big boy bed" Brian says.
Ummmmmmmm, what?????? "I'm not ready" is all I could keep saying. I didn't even get to look at him! There's no turning back. One night in the big boy bed and he'll never want to sleep in the crib again! And I'm kinda progression-oriented so I can't rationalize putting him in the crib some nights and not others. What just happened???? My baby..........