10 days in.......

Brian and I were just sitting on the front porch. It's 9:53pm and it is finally getting dark. There are fireworks going off in the sky somewhere and there are supposed to be thunderstorms that roll in late tonight. I told him I feel like I am in a gap. It's like I don't know any future or the ability to even see a day ahead. I just simply exist in this house, on this street for now. I'm not saying this is bad at all...or necessarily good. It just is what I have felt like. It feels like we have been gone a month for sure. Neither of us feel like it could possibly only be a week and a half that we were in TX. It kind of feels like an experiment. :) Hey, are there cameras watching me??? It doesn't help that I'm reading The Shack and so my mind is fuzzy anyway with the greater details of life and beyond. But as I was sitting out there, I watched the gigantic trees sway and heard their leaves softly clap together. I watched three neighbor girls run around the grass catching fire flies in their hands. I saw many people out walking their dogs and children. And then next to me was Brian, carving away at a "walking stick" that he acquired last night while on a walk in the forest with Noah. So strange. Is this really our life? I mean, really? For good? Even though we had 9 months to prepare for it, it sort of seems like we were picked up and plopped down in this place. And a beautiful place it is. But it doesn't seem real. Atleast not long-term real. I feel strangely at peace but again, only in the moment. I have no plans, routine or agenda outside of our home. Well, there is the daily walk to the mailbox. :) They don't have mailboxes in front of each house. You walk to an area a block away that has a couple streets worth of mailboxes all together. When I try to think about next month, or Thanksgiving time, or Noah's preschool year, I come up blank. Friends and fellowship are an integral part of life and it saddens me deeply to think that people actually live the life we are living right now but forever. They have no church family, they have no close friends that know the ins and outs of them. Two of the kids that have latched on to us and the boys since we moved in came over for awhile today. They are 8 and 10 and really great kids. I feel like I can talk to the girl forever.....she's oddly mature but still very innocent. Anyway, she says they don't go to church and it made me try to imagine what that kind of life is like. I truly have no idea what it would be like growing up without being involved in a church family. It means more now to me that it ever has before. We will definitely be looking for opportunities to invite neighbors to church once we get plugged into one. Noah couldn't understand why these kids don't go to church. I think he really assumed everyone goes. Anyhoo, I ramble. Back to the friends and fellowship-----I believe they are what enable you to see the future. You make dates, you make plans, you schedule trips, you experience life together, etc. I am enjoying this time as a family immensely and yet I told Brian I am also looking forward to having people we know come over. Our families will be visiting the next couple months which will be wonderful. We can't wait to show people this place. But I also anticipate truly developing good friends here that we will invite over, talk deeply and experience things with. I am aware it might be awhile. I have stories I could tell but I realize this is getting really long. Whew. Well, write us, call us, come see us. We can't wait. And yes, we miss you.