I Am.........

copying this from my friend Cindy.

infatuated with my growing seedlings. All 144 of them to be exact. I can't wait to take some pictures and show you their progress.

fulfilled with how much time we spent at the library and park today. I LOVE the things this town has to offer young families.

excited about the two chance encounters I had at the park today with 2 new budding friendships.

anticipating some glorious vacation time with Brian in the coming months. One vacation with the whole fam, the other to celebrate 10 glorious years as man and wife....alone. :)

relieved Wesley slept almost the whole night through last night and did not run a fever all day today. Praise God.

missing friends and family from Texas. This reality sets in usually when we are out to eat. We used to go out with friends all the time. It just sucks to feel lonely....even if it only lasts an hour.

so proud of Noah. He continues to amaze me with his thoughts on God. God truly is his hero and if he could, he'd brag about Him all day long. Lord, please let that never go away.

smitten by Wesley. I cannot physically give enough kisses or snuggles to that kid. Same goes for Noah.

needing lots of scheduled play dates in April. I will be a single parent for a good part of the month. Please help! :)

looking forward to Bri's family coming in town for Easter. We'll have one big Easter egg hunt with all the kiddos (5 total), grub on ham, and show them around "our" town. Fun stuff.

Now you!

A Poignant Reminder

I'm not even sure how to write this post and how to capture all my emotions and thoughts in a concise way. But it's a must that I post. Bottom line, I haven't truly shared my faith in a real way in a loooooooooong time. It just so happens I guess that most everyone I hang out with is a Christian or up to date on the whole "faith thing" and so the proper conditions for a true 'this is what I believe and why I believe it' kind of session has not taken form.
However, in my past mission work, you could have heard me say that when I was truly sharing my faith, one on one, with another person, I felt the truest completeness of my existence. I've heard many others say the same. You suddenly realize this is what God created us for---to share His love and the story of His love in our lives-- with others. Nothing can take the place of that feeling. Nothing can replicate it.
So there have been moments when I've definitely thought about the fact that months and years have gone by in my life where I have not had an a-to-z rundown with someone on my faith, my story, my Jesus. I mean, the nitty gritty declaration where it is raw, and vulnerable, and scary. But at the same time exhilirating. And it's only raw and vulnerable and scary because you realize how important what your talking about is. You want God to be glorified and the listener to be receptive. But you also realize that we do not grow the seed. We merely plant it and God, the grandest Gardener of them all, does the rest. Well, I had one of those seed planting sessions last night. And while it was unexpected, it shouldn't have been because I prayed in advance of this outing that God would be there with me and it would go well. So I praise Him right now for answering my prayer in such a real way.
I think the part that leaves me so convicted and so awestruck is that once again, the idea that we can "earn" our salvation and "do" enough good deeds to get to Heaven is alive and well in our world. But the question I posed to this thinking was, "then why did Jesus need to die (and rise again)? What was the purpose of that if we can essentially get to heaven on our own?"--because the person I was talking with believed Jesus came and lived and died and rose. The question went unanswered because she admitted she had never really been asked that question or thought it through. But she wanted to give it some time to think it over.
The root of a works-based salvation can have one of two explanations. I would say pride is the first one--"grace just can't be a "free" gift! You have to be worthy. We must earn it."
The second is wanting to get to heaven without going through Jesus. Or maybe wanting someone else to get to heaven---knowing they are such a "good" person but knowing they don't "believe" all the right Christian things. Both of these are completely understandable lines of thinking and I probably possessed them at different moments in my life. But ultimately I now know they were never in God's plan. He created us, He knows us better than anyone---what we are not capable of, and what we need in order to be in relationship with Him. We need Jesus. I realize this everyday but of course there are many times when I think I'm doing mighty fine on my own. I think I'm pretty holy. Pretty "spiritual". Last night was a quick reminder that nothing holds a candle to Jesus. Nothing can even compare to what He sacrificed for me...FOR me. Explaining to someone else that I don't think we can earn our salvation simply reminded me how easy it is to let that subtle thinking in--even for Christians.
So I feel like I'm still going through a bit of an adrenaline rush and realizing divine moments were exchanged last night. Of course it made me realize there are so many things I don't "know" in order to "prove" Jesus, our Savior. It made me want to brush up on various historical details and other views out there. But before all that I'm so thankful God gave me His stamp on my heart. The transformation He did on my life that will never be taken away and ultimately is my example of His love and promises. I realize without a true relationship with Jesus, faith has to be so difficult. I'm not even sure I would be a Christian if I wasn't in a relationship with God because I'm not sure it could ever be real enough to me.

So anyway, there are my thoughts. I had to get this down on paper (virtual). Lord, don't let me forget how sharing You with others is a priceless function you created us for.

Menu Plan Monday 3-23

Happy Birthday Kimmy! My oldest sissy is 36 today!! Wowee, you are getting old girl. :) I remember when we were all in our 20's and oh how I looooooved that decade. And then when I finally turned 30 it was a shocking reality to us all (and especially my parents) that they no longer had children in their 20's. The 20's seem to last forever. And oddly, the 30's seem to move so quickly. Well, anyway, I love you Kimberlee very very much and hope you have the best day ever!

Now, on to the ever-so-important menu plan. hardy har har. I haven't done this in awhile and I guess I could say that for consistent blog posting. I've just had kind of a computer lull. Anyway, my boys will probably wake up any minute but I'm going to attempt a post anyway!

Meal #1 Lasagna, french baguette, spinach salad
Meal #2 Shredded beef burritos, beans
Meal #3 Tilapia, veggies, and potatoes/or rice
Meal #4 Pizza, salad
Meal #5 breakfast for dinner
Meal #6 Leftovers
Meal #7 Go out

We're all doing just fine in case you were wondering. Brian was sick all weekend with a category 5 cold. Noah woke up this morning and has been toying with catching it. We loooooved the last two nights of weather. Eating dinner on our screened in porch is like paradise to us. Oh! I planted 142 seeds! Yep, 142. So in the coming 2 weeks I will be preparing my garden/s in the backyard and attempting to transplant these seedlings. I cannot WAIT! I have been wanting my own garden for sooo long and my pesky ole dad won't teach me his tricks of the trade. Not to mention I have two little ones keeping me busy and so I had kind of hung up that dream till they were in school. But after my friend Kristina down the street inspired me, I realized it CAN be done! So I'll keep you posted on my progress. We have been ambushed by moles the last week or so and so our plan is to get "rid" of them before I have to plot out my garden. Dude, have you ever really looked at a picture of a mole anyway???? They are SO GROSS!! I went to buy some mole killer at the hardware store and the picture on the bottle about scared my pants off. Their claws are monstrous! I really hope if and when they die, they just disappear because I have no desire to see them with my own eyes. Ewe.

Alright, better get off my duff before the wailing ensues. Wesley never wakes up happy. Ever. More posting soon!

Things that make me smile...........

1. My sweet boys snuggling.









































2. My new dining room that I painted by myself this past weekend while Brian was away. I'm amazing.


P.S. actually, God was blessing me with very unusually loooooong nap times by the boys. That was crucial to the overall project. And the whole thing was to surprise Brian!




























3. Saving money...specifically saving more than I spent.













4. This video of my kids.

From March 2009

5. Dreaming of a vacation to a far away place where it's just me and Brian and the sun.

Confessions of a Thinkaholic

I just returned from a whirlwind trip to TX to see my parents. My amazing husband let me go despite the fact that it required a decent amount of money as well as him taking a day off of work to stay home with Noah. Thank you honey! He never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, we were on Texas soil for a total of 2 days and 18 hours. I was in the car for 5.5 of those hours which was fine, but it definitely made the trip feel even shorter. Wesley did amazing and brought joy to everyone he saw. He's at that awesome age where he is still free (on an airplane) and kind of clueless when it comes to seeing 5 different families in such a short amount of time. I loved having some time with my parents and just taking a break from parenting 2 children. It's no secret that Noah has been trying lately so it was perfect that he got to have special time with Daddy.
One thing that might have made the trip even more pleasant is if my dog gone frontal lobe could just STOP processing thoughts for a time. Do you ever feel like you are thinking while everyone else is enjoying the simple things happening in each moment? As my post is titled, I believe I'm a thinkaholic. The obvious problem with that is there is no group to go to or 3 step program to kick the addiction. And how does one even become this way anyway??? I would love your thoughts. :) ha ha No seriously, though, I wish I could tell you I come up with the most splendid inventions or ideas, organizational plans, money making schemes, ministry brilliance, or new philanthropic approaches to my life. My thinking probably grazes all those topics but never with any significant result. No, mostly I think about theories, pointless daydreams, philosophical nonsense, problem-solving (with things that aren't my problems) and hypothetical happenings. Oh, and I play old conversations through my head and try to analyze what the other people were thinking when they said those words; what their motives were, and give them an overall character evaluation. I'm a mess---truly. So you can only imagine with a mind like mine what happens when I'm sitting on a plane for 2 hours and Wesley is asleep in my arms and I have no hands to read a magazine or grab my Ipod. All I can do is look around or stare at my tray table and think. Or I'm driving to Tyler, TX in a van with my parents and no music (seriously, who on earth drives long car drives with no music?????). Or I'm driving from Tyler, TX to where I used to live looking at all the establishments that are not mine to frequent anymore or passing business or homes that contain people I can't visit anymore or say hello to. Or I'm staring at the brut of a gate attendant on AirTran Airways that tells me I can't bring my infant's car seat on the plane unless I paid for his seat. WHATEVER. Okay, so that last example really doesn't apply to what I was saying but I did want to wack her over the head with my backpack. :)
I just wish my thinking was more productive. Instead it usually leaves me foggy and discontent. I might enjoy the little moments and little things if my mind would just take a break! Well, my eldest son needs to be read to before bed, so I'm gonna go do that. But I'm sure after that I'll spend some quality time thinking about my trip to TX---how I felt about it, what it lacked, the people I saw, the people I didn't get to see, how it compares to IN, etc, etc. Oh, and I've already thought about all those things, just so you know. But a thinkaholic never stops. Repetition is no match for this brain. In fact, it thrives on it. So if you have an idea for how to channel all this thinking in some ultra-productive way, drop me a line. And I'll think about it.

Anger

It's in my throat. It's in the way I am squeezing my hands. It's in the way I am biting my teeth together. It forces the tears to develop on the surface of my eyes. It makes me breath fast and hard. It makes my mind swim. It blurs my vision. It makes me call out to my God. It leaves me discouraged, heartbroken and defeated at times. The anger Noah arises in me is not easily tamed. It is not often, but it is not mild. It is pushed down inside of me so that only a fraction comes out so that I may maintain my "cool". So that I can somehow come out on "top". So that I can appear the "adult" in each situation. But I admit it. I am angry. I'm angry that when he knows better, he simply doesn't care. I'm angry that he thinks crying can get him out of a situation (when in all actuality, it gets him in even more trouble). I'm angry that it's the littlest things that escalate into monstrous episodes. I'm angry that he makes me feel this way. And I'm even more angry that it takes awhile to go away.


Continued.......

And then I tell him to go to his room and draw a picture of his bad behavior and a picture of what his attitude should look like. After a short time I heard him playing and figured he had dissed me once again this morning. But to my surprise, this is what I found.....


Needless to say, my anger has dissolved.

Menu Plan Monday 2-23

Good morning folks. I hope there are many of you out there that aren't experiencing temps in the teens as I am. However, at least it is sunny outside which makes the cold more tolerable. This is going to be a GREAT week as I (and Wesley) look forward to an impromptu trip to TX to see my parents. It will be very short but hopefully very joy-filled. Praise God for airplanes, free fares for kids under 2, and a generous husband that is letting me go.
Here's the menu plan for the week. As I mentioned last week, I came up with about a month's worth of meals that I know my family likes and then will throw in one a week or so that are new. This will keep my family happy and my ego protected. :)

-Smoked sausage, green bean, potato bake
-Saucy chicken pasta, spinach salad, bread
-Tostadas, beans, fruit
-Hotdogs, oven fries, veggie
-Fam is on their own while I grub at my parents. :)
-Leftovers
-eat out

P.S. Go to orgjunkie.com to see a bunch of other yummy recipes that people are making this week.

Replacements

Hi guys--April here. I'm chillin' on my new leather couch with reclining chairs. We got a super sweet deal on it at Sam's and it pretty much paves the way for a post I've been meaning to write for weeks. Apparently this year has already been classified as the year for replacements in the Spicer house. Had I known that everything known to man was going to break or die the past couple months I probably would have jumped the gun and bought some of these things earlier. However, my frugal nature usually says to wait until we absolutely need it---to a fault. For example, when there are all those crazy sales on Christmas wrapping and decorations the days after Christmas, I cannot bring myself to buy them (even at their shocking rock bottom prices) because the sheer thought of buying something that I can't put to use for another year kills me. Anyhoo, here is a short list of things we have had to replace lately:

-Coffee pot --the one we registered for 9 years ago and got for our wedding. Went kapootz.
-Tires on the van
-Brakes on the van
-DVD player #1--the one we bought as newlyweds 9 years ago. Went kapootz.
-DVD player #2--we've had it atleast 4 years for the kids to play their dvds on. Went kapootz.
I know, seriously right? What are the chances that both DVD players would break in the SAME week???
-Couch

Oh the couch. So I could talk awhile on this one but any of our friends that have known us at least a couple years know Brian has been dying to dump this thing for a very long time. And I'm not lying, there was never anything really wrong with it. It was the first and only couch we have ever bought. It is khaki in color and has a nice frame to it. Brian thought it was uncomfortable and seemed to mention that anytime we had guests over. I would always roll my eyes and just take a deep breath because I never knew what to say. It wasn't like we were going to replace it. It was in great shape and matched all of our neutral shades. Well, 2 kids, nephews and nieces, and puke after puke later, I finally told him (while cleaning off puke at that moment) that we could use some of our tax refund on a new couch. It was like the heavens opened for him. And truthfully, I was so excited too. So here we are, with our awesome new couch and I'm lovin' it. It was well worth the 9 year wait. Well worth it. Now, the fact that my laptop, digital camera, and pots and pans are on their last leg could easily depress me, but for now, I guess I'll just wait till they breathe their last breath and deal with it then. Apparently most things break within the 5-9 year marks. Who knew? :)

As far as what else is going on around here, just ho humming through the winter. We've had our fair share of lonliness, coldness, pukey illness, and snowiness. So the days where the sun shines and it gets oddly in the 50s are days to relish. But today--after 2 weeks of no snow---it started again. And it was cold---20's all day. Could have been worse, and the snow melted quickly, but still, the false hope of spring stung as I dragged the heavy jackets back out and felt my whole body tense everytime I opened the front door. Brian has been traveling a decent amount which is a lot less fun in the winter than in the summer. There's just less to do and less energy in the winter. I very much look forward to next month.
The kids: Noah is growing as a brother everyday. He and Wes are buds and do everything together. He loves to snuggle and read with Wesley and even tries to dress him sometimes. His analytical mind only grows and the things he wants to converse about range from angels and God to how fast a fire truck would get here if he cut his fingers off. Nice. He is immensely excited for baseball to start in April and I am too. I can't wait to see this little stud finally in a league!
Wesley is hilarious first and foremost. Truly this kid makes me laugh almost all day long. He is irresistably cute and has the best sense of humor. He does his own thing most of the time and just dances around the house singing and being crazy. He also loves to mimic things he hears and his vocab blows me away. One of my favorite traits about him (ha ha) is actually that he gets over ouchies and spankings really quick. This may sound silly, but Brian and I didn't realize that a kid could actually stop crying after a few seconds. Who knew? What a relief! He fell off of a bed, a couch , and a large stuffed bear today and despite the rough day, he was over it in minutes each time. Hallelujah!
I'm loving my Friday morning bible study at church and I'm adding friends to my world. It's nice to finally feel a little more at home in church. We joined a class full of marrieds similar in age and circumstance and that feels all together natural. I know Brian hopes to find some guys he can click with.
Okay, I feel completely boring at the moment because I really have nothing more to say. A miracle I know! Savor this moment, and check back later. :)

Let's Be Honest............

So I believe one of my more recent posts had to do with something about not being on the computer as much and finding my more important reality in my home and family. Well, you are hearing it here first, I have failed the last couple of weeks in that arena. I can't believe how easy it was to turn my back on my goal and become completely engrossed in Facebook lately. Mind you, I am not new to Facebook. I've been a member for a year or two. But it had remained pretty dormant among my "things to do" and I didn't really find it tempting. In fact, I kind of made fun of people that update their status multiple times a day and made it their main form of communication with the outside world. Now, enter the scene a sudden and violent reunion of almost my entire high school class. Many of my friends from high school remained in hiding and I had given up on finding them. And truth be told, I had forgotten about a lot of them. I have a really odd forgetfulness about my life in Albuquerque, NM. I can't remember names, streets, areas, people, almost to an upsetting degree. I lived there for 4 years and so this shouldn't be the case. But let me say it was the more rebellious 4 years of my life and paved the road for my ultimate destination at the feet of Jesus begging him to change my life. So maybe this "forgetfulness" is a gift---who knows. Anyhoo---back to my story, I had some extremely close friends that I have remained separated from and have wondered over the years how they were doing and where their lives took them.....

It seems as though many of these friends all came onto FB at once and it was like a giant collision of long lost friends that were instantly reintroduced. It has been a blast seeing everyone and being pleasantly surprised where everyone is in their life. So needless to say, I have been on FB constantly, checking on everyone, responding to messages, waiting for responses, looking at pictures, reading those talked about "25 random things" lists, and on and on and on. So I come clean to my blogging community about my internet moderation detour. The laptop is back upstairs in the furthest room from me and I hope to keep it shut down for greater lengths of time. I'm not making any big promises though. Baby steps, as my friend Kristen always says. :)

I feel like there are so many things to update everyone on, but the time escapes me right now. I do want to post my menu plan because I haven't done it in over a month and I'm trying to get back on track in the kitchen. Something new I'm going to try is come up with about 20 tried and true recipes that I know my family loves and leave the other 5-8 a month for experiments. This will provide me a more balanced approach to my menu plan and prevent me from becoming disappointed a full 4 nights in a row when my kids hardly touch what I've cooked. So after this week of meals, I'm going to implement this new plan. I'll still be able to post our weekly menu, but over here on my side, I won't be coming up with my menu week to week if that makes sense.
I will write a more personal update tomorrow for those completely uninterested in this food business and more interested in our fabulous excessive lives. :) Right.

1. Tijuana beef with salad and mexican rice
2. Chipotle chicken, sweet potatoes, green beans
3. Red curry chicken, rice and spinach salad
4. Hamburgers, oven fries, veggie
5. Fishsticks, mac n cheese
6. Leftovers
7. Out to dinner

Wordle

I love this new little toy, Wordle. It puts together a “word cloud” based on the words posed in your blog. The more you use a word, the bigger it appears. Good thing I just wrote that "thankful" post. :)